


Indescribable Events

by cereal_whore



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Also hinata and kags are still best friends, I cannot believe im writing this, Kageyama comes from an abusive family, M/M, also, and tsukki and yams are still the brotp shit, but when i did, i was like I DO LOVE LOVE AND HATE RELATIOSHIPS especially arrogant assholes like tsukki, just throwing that in there, so. like. I never even considered this ship, yep
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-04-03
Updated: 2018-04-16
Packaged: 2018-10-14 14:24:34
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 10
Words: 36,450
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10538340
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cereal_whore/pseuds/cereal_whore
Summary: Oh God.There, standing like an absolute dumbass, is Kageyama, just below him and next to the apartment community's sign, wearing nothing but a t-shirt and a pair of shorts in fucking winter. And are those sandals?-Or: Tsukishima Kei was awoken at three in the fucking morning by the stupid High School Musical ringtone Yamaguchi set for him, with a lost Kageyama on the other end of the phone.And then he looked out his window and realized that the dumbass on the phone is standing there in his Lilo and Stitch pajamas, right next to his apartment.





	1. Chapter 1

It's four in the morning, and Kageyama's mother is frantically clinging onto him with a scary grip, with her lips pursed and eyes honed onto the gash she created out of fury, oozing on his arm.

And though he knows it's such a stupid thought, his first realization is:  _I won't be able to play volleyball properly tomorrow._

Maybe it's because volleyball is his top priority- probably because he has nothing else valuable up there. Other than his friends. But due to his lack of social interaction with anyone outside of the team, he's never actually befriended anyone else, or even simply made acquaintances as he's sure others do not like him. He's fine with that, because it means less people will bribe him to share his lunch, like some dumbass-midget he knows.

So, volleyball and friends are somewhat of the same thing to him. Like a square and a rectangle. Volleyball is considered his friend, but friends aren't considered as volleyball.

Clinging onto that rather particular and humorous thought, Kageyama nearly misses the slam of a phone, shattered on the floor, below the clenched first of his mother's veined hand. "Tobio!" She screeches. "Why aren't you taking this seriously! If others see this, they'll know something's wrong!" She snarls. "It's your idiotic father's fault-"

She begins to rant.

Coward.

He obscures his bitterness thoughts of her hypocrisy, as he carefully stares at her with an indifferent persona, and a blank mask. Yes, he knows he'll receive shit for it, she hates it whenever he makes such an expression, because apparently, it's him attempting to try and one-up her by not feeling 'respect and shame'. But he'd rather her see this countenance, instead of the disgust churning within him as that might spawn more trouble.

And it's not as if it's his father's fault, she was the one who didn't consider that his black eye would make a cut that would be visible on his arm unless if he covers it with long sleeves, look worse. She should've taken the black eye he gotten from his dad into her thought process before she made her move.

His left eye, though the swelling died, looks visibly nasty as it's crusted with puss and botched with his tender, purple skin etched deep with frightening and abnormal darkened veins, still looks worse than it really felt. His mother, though constantly paranoid that others will somehow find out about the blatant child abuse that stirs around in this household, still puts the image of a perfect marriage with a genius and prodigy son to risk.

And that's why she even bothered to care. Tonight, her anger and her inhibition center of her mind was clouded due to the buzz of the eight glasses of wine she drank an hour earlier-

Therefore just the fact that Kageyama didn't do the laundry caused her to plummet down the cliff of punishments. She probably had a really stressful day, though, in her defense.

Ergo, that's why she attempted to swing one the empty glass bottle at him, only for him, to instinctively raise an arm to defend his face. His reflexes, after years of volleyball, is probably the only reason why there's not a large shard of glass protruding out his face.

"If we call the hospital...surely they might find traces of wine in your cut...." She snaps, wringing her hands to herself. To Kageyama, if one's going to do something that'll surely shame others, then they might as well do it without the fear of being judged by others. If not, then they're just cowards.

But isn't he one, for refusing to stand up to his parents?

* * *

He really, really should've thought this through. He shouldn't have ran away. After all, it's fucking freezing outside, but that's somewhat fortunate because it's numbing the sharp throb that felt as if he wanted to cut off his arm rather than live through it, to a dull pressure. But unfortunately, he's wearing his Lilo and Stitch t-shirt that has zero-to-no protection against any sort of weather, and navy shorts that are covered in blood.

Great.

Really, he's used to bandaging his own wounds, so why is today, he felt such justified anger [when really, he probably deserved the beating because it was somewhat his fault for not telling his parents he was going to stay after], that he decided to run away?

And without anything?

Like at the most he could've at least grabbed a carton of milk. And, maybe another bottle of peroxide because he's getting worried he didn't disinfect his wound enough. He doesn't need an infection, it'd slow the healing process, which will prevent him from playing volleyball sooner.

All he has with him is his phone.

Which is useless because he has around only zero friends on there, and even though that's an exaggeration, nobody's going to be awake at four in the morning.

His fingers gripping useless on the thin device, he fumbles with it in his only good hand. He doesn't use his phone much, but even he's aware of Siri. 

And, since his hands are numb ad his fingers are constricting and refuse to cooperate like the rest of his life, he rasps out a few commands while his voice croaks from crying in the bathroom to himself earlier, and from just simply screaming at Hinata too much because that idiot ate all his lunch.

Not that he's fond of sharing his food with Hinata. Maybe Kageyama does like the idea of friends just a little bit, even though he's fairly quite inexperienced at this and Hinata is stupid.

"Hey, Siri," activating at the sound of his voice, Siri cheerily chirrups to indicate she's alive. "Call...Hinata Shoyou," even though he may not be using the actual contact name he put down for HInata [which is, 'Shrimp on Steroids' followed by multiple shrimp emojis], Siri recognizes the actual name and tinkles to life.

Sighing, he waits for Siri to obediently do her work when: 

"Calling, Tsaltyshima."

"Wait, what? No, SIRI-"

* * *

Tsukishima glares at the luminescent screen. 

 _Kag Jong Un._  

He doesn't need a call from Dictator III at four in the morning. However, feeling rather suspicious because it  _is_ four in the morning, he reluctantly picks up the call. However, he instantly regrets it, as he hears the other end-

 _"Fuck, no, Siri, stop,_  ugh-"

"King. What do you want?" He snarls into the speaker, not attempting to use the lilting timbre he usually conducts on Kageyama whenever he's mocking him. He'll do that later. "If you haven't noticed, you'll see me in two hours and there's no reason for you to call me right now." 

 _"R-ight."_ A stiff, indignant voice responds coldly. 

"Don't sound so arrogant when you called me first." Tsukishima hisses, careful not to wake up his brother. "Now, what do you want?" He adds vindictively, while collapsing back onto his bed, feeling sluggish from the abrupt wake-up call. Dammit Yamaguchi. Because even Tsukishima respects his friend's wishes, he decided to keep 'Status Quo' from Highschool Musical as his general ringtone. 

Good thing nobody ever calls him. Because he has no friends.

 _"N-nothing...I-h just wanted to call Hinata-"_ Tsukishima frowns. The other boy's voice is clipped and there's the obvious shakiness underneath his tone. He can easily identify the chattering of his teeth. 

"What are you doing?" He finally demands outright, getting somewhat annoyed, yet definitely curious at this turn of events.

For a moment, Kageyama really doesn't answer, and he had to pull his phone away from his ear to make sure he's still online and hadn't hung up.  _"Nothing. Go back to bed."_

"Hey, King, stop treating me like a commoner who shouldn't know things. Where are you anyways?" Tsukishima blinks blearily, fully awake as he hears a roar and a distinctive honk in the background. Funny. He also hears a similar sound taking place outside the thin walls he has right now.  

_"Um. I'm really not sure, that's why I called Hinata in the first place-"_

"You're lost." He sums it up.

_"Uh."_

"For fuck's sake, King." Tsukishima scowls, struggling to maintain his lifting volume. "I-can you see a street name?"

_"I'm standing next to this road, and a sign. It says Galley Pike?"_

At that  _extremely familiar name_ , Tsukishima jackknifes upright on his bed, feeling despair and pure annoyance settle in him. Now, he's not a jackass, even though he's sure that he portrayed his image as one to Kageyama. So he wasn't planning on letting Kageyama die on him, even though he really wants to. And that takes a lot of effort, therefore, that should at least convey he's a good person, in his opinion.

But, this...

Last thing he needs is to inform Kageyama that he lives in the apartment complex he just said, and then invite him over. Quickly, Tsukishima struggles to yank open the blinds, ignoring Kageyama's muttering on how he should hang up and call Hinata.

Oh God.

There, standing like an absolute dumbass, is Kageyama, just below him and next to the apartment community's sign, wearing nothing but a t-shirt and a pair of shorts in fucking winter. And are those sandals?

Great.

So now if he really does tell Kageyama to fuck off, that boy's going to freeze to death because he has a white girl's chance in a horror movie that he'll be smart enough to even find his way back to his house.

And he has an even lesser chance, of making it halfway through Tsukishima's doorstep without being chopped in half and fed to his dog, Ichigo.

Tsukishima really doesn't mind Kageyama, but after their first encounter, something about the genius, just ticks him off to the point where he really considers just sicking Ichigo on him.

Really, he might be distant and perhaps arrogant to people, but Tsukishima doesn't actually try and berate and purposefully go out of his way just to push other people down, but for some reason, with Kageyama, Tsukishima's first impression of him just stuck. An arrogant asshole. And really, Tsukishima cannot stand his own kind, therefore, he finds himself berating Kageyama, calling him out, and desperately trying to discourage him. He wants to be the first to shatter his pride.

Yet Tsukishima lost to him on the very first day.

And he'll acknowledge that Kageyama's trying, that he's actually really a dork underneath that cold exterior built from just years of isolation and probably really bad parenting [seriously, an adult should not raise their kid to be so oblivious to how others see them], but still.

It's as if Kageyama's personality-rebirth as a kid who's trying their best to fix themselves, is just emphasizing Tsukishima's laziness on court, and his lack of motivation. As if his existence's sole purpose is to just constantly show Tsukishima in a bad light, so no difference as his old personality as the King of the Court. Kageyama, just existing, pisses him off. Because in every way possible, that kid makes him feel inferior even though Tsukishima has yet to even toss him a chance of winning a verbal battle between them, out of pity. That fucking kid.

And yeah, maybe that same kid is standing outside looking like he's lost [he is lost], in fucking negative degrees weather, but some sense of just disgusting self-preservation, wants Tsukishima to just send the lost boy to Yamaguchi, who actually lives in the apartment right next to them.

Then again, Yamaguchi actually needs sleep, and Tsukishima will be damned to ruin his closest [and probably realest, and only] friendship he has.

Yes, he's now fond, and he believes friends, with everyone else on the team, and actually, he and the other first-years have taken up each others' company with all of them hanging out with Yachi, and eating lunch together rather in their respective groups-

But still.

Nobody else will ever receive as much favor as Yamaguchi will, from Tsukishima.

And so, thinking rather sourly, _this is for you, Yamaguchi_ , Tsukishima leans out his window, and shouts,  _"Hey, dumbass, why the fuck are you outside of my house?"_

* * *

 _Tripped on a rock my ass._ There's no way a fucking rock on the sidewalk could cause a graze this deep. And a rock doesn't explain why his eye looks like it died and decided to one day come back to life. Tsukishima would guess gang-fight, but he doubts anyone would approach Kageyama, who unconsciously wears a rather scary countenance to others, and looks as if he'd kill a family and then spit on a puppy. Even though he's pretty sure the only person Kageyama would ever punch is Hinata.

"You know, you've done a really shitty job." Tsukishima whispers, stroking the skin around the laceration, his fingertips carefully dancing around the blood.

"Shut up."

"You really are horrible at everything, you can't even take care of yourself." He snorts, as he begins to dab on peroxide, which causes Kageyama to cringe. At this, Tsukishima produces a noise of irritation, as he tightens his hold on Kageyama's wrist. "Keep moving," he breaks off his intense concentration of Kageyama's bloodied arm, and leans in to face Kageyama until their proximity are no longer two separate ones, but conjoined-

"And I will fucking spray this shit into your eyes." He finishes, and is satisfied when Kageyama flinches. 

It's five already, and Tsukishima's pretty sure he's not getting sleep for the rest of his night. If he's not getting shut-eye, then he might as well make do with Kageyama's, with that bottle of peroxide out of unrighteous revenge.

"You're an asshole."

"I will kick you out, bruised eye or not."

"Rude."

"Pretentious asshole." He bites, while nudging his glasses back up the bridge of his nose. "Also, shut up before I feed you to Ichigo."

"And how's a dog named 'Strawberry' going to hurt me?"

As if on cue, a Saint Bernard comes stumbling in a drunken manner, his tongue lolling out and his figure knocking over the water that Tsukishima was going to give Kageyama, onto the floor.

_"He's huge."_

"He comes from a tall family." He smirks. Yes, to Kageyama, Ichigo is quite big, but to Tsukishima, who's taller than him, the dog is rather average height.

"Jerk. You're only a couple inches taller than me."

"No wonder you fail to look down on me. And also, shh, we wouldn't want my family to wake up to such vulgar language, now, do we?"

"Fight me."

"Why would I want to fight a king, who uses his knights in a form of self-preservation? It's simply pathetic to cut down his defenses like that." Tsukishima sneers, and with his back turned to Kageyama as he grabs the gauze, he misses the flicker of hurt that had crossed the shorter boy's features.

 

 

 


	2. 1232123

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> practice:
> 
> yamaguchi is a cinnamon roll but a dick to his best friend
> 
> tsukki and yamaguchi are friend goals tbh
> 
> so are hinata and kageyama like damn i need to write more about their brotp here.
> 
> also we learn kageyama's mom has a past, and really I kinda stole her backstory from the abusive mother from 'Erased'. Great manga, by the way. y'all should read it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i want to toss kuroo in here. Because i love kuroo. in the next chapter he's going to be mentioned for like five seconds.
> 
> I love him i want him to adopt me as his sister.
> 
> also guys i love cheez its and im eating so much of them.
> 
> I'm also lactose intolerant, on the other hand.

By the time he's finished with Kageyama, Tsukishima realizes that the night sky is lightening considerably, and, it's around five. 

To make it to school on time, he normally leaves the house by 6:30.

Scowling, he inwardly curses Kageyama to hell, because, because of him, he is going to  _feel_ like hell throughout school with only four hours of sleep. He stayed up later than usual, being too caught up in a story he immersed himself in. 

Good book.

Kid dies at the end.

And then, he ended up wound in Kageyama's problem. 

Turning to Kageyama, who's blankly sitting his chair, the flesh around his eye oily from the medicine Tsukishima swathed around it messily. "Hey," He leans down, crouching to the same height as Kageyama, who's startled out of his daydream. At this, Kageyama narrows his eyes, clearly suspicious by Tsukishima's closeness. "Sorry, just had to crouch down, it's courtesy to do this in front of the king-"

Kageyama flips him off.

"Hey, I just cleaned your accident," he leers in response, prodding Kageyama's shoulder that's attached to the bandaged arm. "I may be a peasant in your eyes, but please, have some common manners." he taunts. "Anyways, it's definitely too late for you to head back. It's in the opposite direction of my house and the school-you'd be late to school even if you bike." he explains. "Do you want me to call your parents?"

At this, a defensive posture rises up from Kageyama's slouch, and he shakes his head swiftly. "They're asleep." he offers an explanation.

"Hm. So you snuck out, I assume? In shorts, no less." He adds making an obvious show of scrutinizing Kageyama, who's sitting in a rumple Stitch shirt from _Lilo and Stitch_ , that has tiny holes near the collar of shirt, indicating it's worn often. Feeling kind, he doesn't make a jab at how his clothes seem like one of a commoner's.

Rather, Tsukishima just pinches the bridge of his nose to convey obvious annoyance, before sighing, "Do you even have your own change of clothes?" a shake of his head. "Great. I guess you're going to school wearing your pajamas. Good night." And to his surprise, he doesn't hear feedback from Kageyama as he walks out of the room, but, perhaps out of pity, he adds without bothering to turn around: "there are blankets on the couch. Sleep there."

* * *

Now, Tsukishima honestly doesn't not give a shit about whether or not Kageyama goes to school dressed like an idiot. But, since the dumbass is underneath his care [not on his will, though], therefore, he figures, that if he's going to accompany the by to school, he's going to at least have him fashionable. Because the last thing to top off this incredulous and amusing [if only it was actually a dream and not real life] nightmare, is for him to be seen with a dork wearing a shirt with a Disney movie character.

"Hurry up," he adds, snapping his fingers at Kageyama, whose good eye twitches to signify annoyance. Normally, by now, Kageyama would've lost his cool, and snapped at Tsukishima with such ferocity, but, it appears that even the King understands manners, as he's clearly trying to be nice because Tsukishima offered him a place to stay overnight, as well as medical care for whatever the fuck he did. Ergo, he's keeping his unfiltered mouth shut for once.

He inwardly smirks. That just makes everything more fun, a lot more fun to tease him.

Waiting for the boy to return, Tsukishima thumbs through his homework, and begins to heat up two vegetable buns for breakfast. He adds a third, as he recalls that he still has an unwanted guest. 

He internally winces. Is it possible to make it out of this house before Akiteru wakes up? As if drawn by his worries, Akiteru stumbles down the stairs, his nodding head nearly smacking against the wall. Tsukishima's eyes flicker nervously towards the direction of the bathroom. "Good morning." his brother beams warmly.

"Good morning." he greets with his usual lackluster response. 

At this, Akiteru fondly snickers, and Tsukishima just rolls his eyes as routine. "Hurry up, eat." he adds chidingly, as he grabs the plate of buns out of the microwave. 

"Three? Eat too much and you'll get fat-"

"I lied you don't get any-"

Kageyama announces his entrance by nearly tripping over a chair as he walks in, startled by Akiteru's presence. 

Akiteru stares.

"Intruder?"  _For an intruder, you seem quite calm_ , Tsukishima thinks sourly at Akiteru's confused expression. 

"Why is an 'intruder' your first guess?"

"Because who else could it be? I didn't invite anyone over, and you don't have any other friends but Yamaguchi that poor soul-" He gasps and Tsukishima inwardly dies at the obvious recognition that flickers through his brother's amber eyes. "You're the genius from Karasuno!" He gapes, and at this, Kageyama curtly nods, glancing at Tsukishima to hint at his sudden shyness. He snorts. Of course, Kageyama would feel embarrassed by compliments. Idiot King. "Ah Tsukki you said you hated everyone on that team just months ago and-"

"Let's go." Tsukishima shoves the remaining bun to Kageyama, and promptly drags him away and out of the house.

* * *

"This is nice and all, Tsukki." Yamaguchi starts. "But...may I ask...why..."

"I don't know." Is his only response, as Yamaguchi points at Kageyama who's awkwardly standing behind them, as the sidewalk's too cramped to fit three people. Not like Tsukishima cares whether or not Kageyama feels involved or not. He'd rather keep Yamaguchi to himself, he doesn't really have anyone else [not like he'd want to admit that]. "Maybe if we ignore him he'll go away-"

"Kageyama!" Yamaguchi promptly ignores Tsukishima and waves happily at the boy behind him, and Tsukishima really, really wants to strangle him. Yamaguchi or Kageyama, either one will work. "What happened to your eye?"

"Oh. I ran into something."

"Ouch. Um...do you need anything? We're still close to my house we can see if there's some ointment or-"

"No. It's fine. Tsukishima already applied medicine this morning."

 _Morning._ Surely, Yamaguchi will pick up on that, and realize it's  _not_ a coincidence that he saw Tsukishima and Kageyama walking down the sidewalk to pick him up earlier.

"Is that so? Well, it's nice to see you outside of school. But may I ask why you were with Tsukki?" Tsukishima ignores the sly expression that crosses his friend's features. Yeah, he may have admitted to Yamaguchi he might be into guys, but that doesn't give his friend the right to set him up with everyone else on sight.

Then again, Yamaguchi, who basically also has no other friends excluding the ones from the team, is probably excited to do anything Tsukki-related, therefore this is the only time he'll be able to do 'match-making'. At this thought, Tsukishima pities his friend, and decides that he'll let him live after practice.

"Oh. He let me stay over." Tsukishima, who was submerged in his thoughts, is quickly dragged out by Kageyama's blunt and oblivious answer. Tsukishima senses danger as Yamaguchi's grin widens. Dammit. Yamaguchi clearly knows his lack of attraction towards basically everyone, but that doesn't mean he won't tease Tsukishima relentlessly. Seriously, he needs to get other friends to gossip with. This isn't socially healthy for either one of them.

"Oh? Is that so?"

"Yeah."

"Why were you at his house?" Tsukishima wants to continue walking, but the last thing he needs is for Kageyama, that dumbass, to say anything more. He himself, after tutoring that shit and the smaller piece of shit, has come to realize exactly how oblivious those two could be with their words. 

"I got lost, he opened his bedroom window and threw a pillow at me while screaming, and then shouted at me to come inside with the pillow." 

"We're going to be late. Hurry up." Tsukishima interjects, feeling somewhat restless by this dangerous conversation, that he knows Yamaguchi won't let go-ever.

"Huh. How did he know you were outside his house?"

"We were talking on the phone."

At this, Yamaguchi's head whips to round to Tsukishima's, and he wilts underneath the gaze, feeling his glare hardening, but that only drags the corners of Yamaguchi's mouth even farther. 

"You guys were talking on the phone? At night?"

"Yes."

Tsukishima contemplates murder.

* * *

 Hinata's screams are not the first thing Tsukishima has to hear. He's tired. He wants to go home. He does not want to be here. And yet, he's standing here, in his jersey, next to a screaming shrimp [a visual image appears and he shudders], and he seriously wonders, how is it that in the past year of dealing with this team, has he not attempted first-degree murder?

 _"YOUR EYE YOUR EYE_ guys Kageyama got into a fight, that idiot-" Hinata shrieks. At this, with his good arm, Kageyama gripped onto the collar of Hinata's jersey, yanking him upwards. 

"Shut UP-"

"HE'S GOING TO KILL ME LIKE HE KILLED HIS ENEMIES THAT BRUISED HIS EYE HELP GUYS SOMEONE-" Hinata continues screeching.

 _If he's not going to kill you, I'll gladly do it myself._  

"Hey! Kageyama, let go of him!" At this, the said boy reluctantly releases his friend, as he purses his lips, lowering his glower.  _Sugawara uses CHARISMA, it's very effective!_ Tsukishima actually cringes at that off-putting thought. Sugawara suddenly clamps a hand around Kageyama's sharp jaw, and yanks it upwards, as he begins to study the setter with a scrutinizing gaze.

For a moment, even Tsukishima feels unsettled fear. Because, as Sugawara seemingly reaches to a mental conclusion, his countenance is darkened momentarily, before brightening as if he didn't just have a bloodcurdling expression of justified anger. "Well, I guess all we can do is put some ice on it." He waves his hand flippantly, as he pats Kageyama on the head. "We can't let you play with that eye."

Perhaps he was expecting for Kageyama to complain, whine, or shout, but after seconds fall between them, all Kageyama did was nod in response, and Sugawara looked temporarily shocked. Then again, Tsukishima figured that while Kageyama normally would've forced himself out on court to play with a bruised eye, claiming he could still see out of it, even he's aware that with the large, gasping swell on his arm with a long tear embedded in it, he can't play.

Guess he's not that much of an idiot Tsukishima gives him credit for.

"Well. I-okay." Sugawara just redundantly guides Kageyama to the bleachers, and forcing him to sit in a gentle manner. "I know you were probably looking forward to this...sorry."

Tsukishima pretends as if he doesn't see Kageyama's nonchalant shrug and smile, or the crestfallen one he wore the moment Sugawara turned away.

"Hey, everyone stop standing around and start stretching!" Daichi snaps, and Tsukishima stands next to Yamaguchi, and begins to apply pressure onto his back to help him reach farther, and for the rest of practice, for some unfathomable reason, he couldn't bring himself to look in the direction of the bleachers.

* * *

He doesn't want to go home. But already, his body is automatically moving towards his quaint little house, with beautiful trimming and lawn. A dollhouse. He wonders if people understood what really went on inside. Some deity, some force, controlling the movements of every person who inhabits the said house, against their will with no real emotions or personality.

He wonders who the deity of this household is.

Certainly someone evil. It's the only conclusion he can figure, even though it's scarily simple.

He creaks open the door. He doesn't want to enter. However, because of the blood pounding through his ears, flushing out any thoughts but still leaving him with the emotion of absolute, churning fear-

He wasn't able to hear the scream of his name first, as he's too engulfed in his own jagged breaths and thunderstorm concocting in his brain.

But he's heard it the second time, and when he finally steps into the tiny house, he sees a demon. 

 _"Tobio!"_ He stares at the foggy figure, though swathed in jewels, smiles, and beauty, the blackness, the unidentifiable things that his innocent mind cannot label, contort her prettiness into ugliness, cracking her facade as a figure, fuzzy and just dark with no other dimensions, stand in her place, as if she was nothing more than an empty vessel; a mask.

His head hurts. It's been hurting all through practice, pounding and aching, with his chest constricting and eyes fluttering while his jaw clenched at every loud smack of the ball, at every shout. 

_"Are you even listening?"_

Well he is now. Especially when he feels the stinging slap, that's dull in comparison to the whispers that are beginning to envelope his brain. "You disappear all night and you think that we wouldn't be worried?" His head hurts from her shouts, but even more from her lies.

He used to believe that.

The same way his neighbors did whenever they heard shouting.

Every shout, followed by screams of distress that paint Kageyama as a rebellious delinquent.  Not a victim of child abuse.

Certainly not.

But after that initial scream of worry, she lowered her voice to a cutting rasp: "If you ever do that again, I'll kill you."

He believed her.

He also believed,  _I'd kill you if I had the courage._

So, what sort of reason would his mother kill him?

_If she had the chance._

_My mother would kill me if given the chance, my father would kill me if given a reason, and I'd kill them if I had_ _the_ courage.

He wants courage.

But, he doesn't. All he has is cowardly numbness. 

Maybe that's why he still flinches from them, still obeying, still afraid, and still mentally hurt by his parents.

But maybe it's his numbness that makes him indifferent. Maybe that's why he can't find tears in him.

* * *

Locked in his room with his thoughts, Kageyama crawls back into yesterday, deep in his addled mind. He knew Tsukishima wasn't a bad person. But, a part of him is still thoroughly convinced he's a douche. And he is. He's one of those people with a superiority-complex. It pisses Kageyama relentlessly, especially since Tsukishima constantly acts as if he's still the same as he was years ago, controlling and apathetic.

He's changed.

And he believes Tsukishima's hypocritical of calling him 'king', when really, he's the one who treats everybody else like peasants.

Scowling, he grimaces at the bandages bundled around his arm. Tsukishima had informed him that he's very close to the possibility of stitches, if the wounds were any deeper. Stitches. _When will this heal?_ He can't play volleyball if his arm is useless and a mangle of nerves and is overly sensitive to every touch. He can't play. At this thought, the rhythmic, dull pound in the back of his head intensifies, and a whimper tears out of his throat.

His mom ruined volleyball for him.

Yet, he's never really felt hatred for his mom. Not even now. He just can't hate her. Sometimes he might feel pity, because of how she's treated by her husband. In fact, she used to be the one to protect him from his father.

Until she got sick of it.

Sick of all the beatings, tired of all the cigarette burns, numb from all the nicotine.

Maybe that's why, one day without any absolute warning, she turned on him, screaming when he stumbled towards him as a ten-year-old, crying at the sight of the bruise swelling on her face, only to start screaming when she shook him by the shoulders.

He doesn't specifically remember what she spat at him, but he knows the gist.

That it was his fault she's like this. That it was his fault her leg no longer works. 

That he's useless for not being able to fend for himself, for making her take all the pressure and punishments.

And Kageyama's not stupid. He knows that if he tells other people, they'll automatically defend him, claiming she's a horrible mother.

She wasn't. 

She just broke. And really, who's fault was that?

Perhaps this is karma. He stole her ability to play baseball, something she loved to do. And she took away his ability to play volleyball. It's not unfair, now that he evaluates this current dilemma of his.

He didn't feel like doing his homework anymore. He can't study. Can't concentrate. Every time his mind isn't fully fixated on one subject, it begins to wander, to peek through cracks of his old memories, contort theories and strange thoughts that could only be spawned from darkness.

Shoving his folders roughly in his back, he remains mute as his hands begin to tremble, and desperately acts as if his knuckles aren't being speckled with glistening tears as a guttural sob breaks free from the back of his scorching throat.

He loves his mom.

He wonders if he really does want to kill her. That's what scares him the most. He has nowhere to go, either. Nobody to run to. He's stuck here until he's eighteen.

 

 

He wonders if he'll make it that long.

* * *

 

"So. Kageyama?" Yamaguchi tries again, and Tsukishima contemplates jumping out the window.

"Yamaguchi. All your essays are still on my computer and I can easily delete them-"

"Okay, okay!" At this, the brunette grins easily, with a soft laugh. Tsukishima just rolls his eyes. Seriously. His friend is the most innocent and beloved figure of his life, Tsukishima himself would probably cry if he deleted the data. The data that doesn't belong to him. "But, is he okay?"

"His eye will heal."

"No. I mean. His arm, what happened to it? It didn't look like he went to the hospital either."

"Not my choice if he doesn't want to go." 

"Tsukki-"

"Don't forget I still have your essays in my possession."

"Right."

* * *

Kageyama wakes up, not because of his alarm clock, but because of a slam to his bedroom door that spontaneously causes him to jerk upright in his bed, his head pounding from a possible cold [dammit he shouldn't have stood outside in the cold that day], and his vision blurred. He's sweltering as well, and shivering, he curls underneath his blankets, only to cringe. His clothes are clinging onto his figure, his shorts rumpled and bunched together by sweat. He's sweating. He's unable to think clearly enough to figure out why.

_"Tobio!"_

With a foggy mind, he slowly rounds to the source of his sound, his eyes bouncing about and unable to focus on the shaking figure at his doorway. "Mom?" he slurs.

_"He's gone! He's gone!"_

His mouth dry, and his throat hoarse, he's barely able to wheeze out, "who?" Jesus. He wishes she'd stop shouting. It's only increasing the intensity of his headache.

"Tobio, your father's gone.  _He's not home anymore, all of our money's gone, our fucking booze is gone, and his clothes! He left and he's sure as hell not coming back! And who's fault is that, huh? Who does he hate enough to leave us for?_ "

His fault.

That's his only conclusion before he collapses back onto the bed, darkness splotching his vision.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kageyama it's not a cold, it's a fever.


	3. tROIS

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> -rip  
> -Also guys im alive i was just at my cousins earlier okay  
> -And, fun fact I actually found that Siri-fact by saying random things about dying and fevers.

"He's not here today?" Coach Ukai purses his lips, as he peers back down at his clipboard for attendance, and presumably crosses of Kageyama for 'absent'. It's left unspoken, but it's clear among the team, that the mere notion of Kageyama missing volleyball is worrisome and odd.

Considering how much of a freak he is, and how he has to continue ruling over his kingdom, Tsukishima assumed that even if something important came up, he'd still come. The only reason why he would miss something he truly enjoyed, he supposed, is either due to something important [well obviously], or some injury.

But even with his clearly shredded arm, Kageyama still came last time, with Tsukishima, to just sit at the bleachers. Did Kageyama decide to just stop coming just because of his arm? He doesn't believe so. Though he'd never admit it aloud, the King has clearly matured in perspective of friendships and relationships, and though he didn't get along with them in the beginning, he's befriended all of them throughout the year. He probably would've come to insult and argue with Hinata or awkwardly attempt to compliment their small achievements. That, or he'd come to just view their process on volleyball.

Perhaps he got another injury, this time, severe to the point where he simply couldn't come to school? 

Scowling at this possibility, he reassures himself that even so, Kageyama probably would've let Hinata know. They both have phones, he's sure. He confirmed this after their little...incident when Kageyama claimed he meant to call Hinata instead of him. 

"Kageyama wasn't at school either. I didn't see him during the classes I did have with him." Yamaguchi provides helpfully. Sugawara's eyebrows furrows downwards harshly, while Daichi's lips knot into a frown of concern. "I collected some homework for him, but I don't know where he lives, and even so I have to finish up a bunch of essays so I don't know if I'll have the time to drop these off." He says. "Hinata, can you give the papers to him? You know where he lives, right?"

At this, Hinata sticks his tongue out. "Yeah. And I've seen his dad. Pssh. Like father like son, they both always look so grumpy and constantly angry!" He proclaims rather theatrically, while tugging and contorting his face purposefully into faces, and at this, Yamaguchi snorts. "Actually, I can't drop it off today. I have to watch over Natsu."

Tsukishima vaguely knows about Hinata's little sister.

He sincerely pities that poor girl for having to be around Hinata for more than five days a week.

"Is...anybody else free?" Yamaguchi chirrups.

Ennoshita cautiously raises his hand.

"Ennoshita we both know you live on the other side of town than all of us put your hand down." Daichi says emotionlessly. Is it just him, or does Daichi sound even more done than usual? Tsukishima chalks it up to Hinata's antics, such as just moments ago when he attempted to try and make a flamethrower with some spray-deodorant and a lighter. They confiscated the lighter and none of them dared to ask the boy where he even got it from in the first place.

Although, Tsukishima has to admire that Ennoshita is willing to bike across the entire town just to hand someone with such an attitude like the King, a bunch of papers. Yamaguchi clears his throat, and gestures to everyone else, implying if there's anybody else free. As if pressured by the silence, everyone begins to spout out their excuse and reason as to why they couldn't offer being a temporary and underpaid delivery service:

"I think I have a restraining order with a girl that lives near Kageyama-" Tanaka begins.

"I want to sleep when I get home." Daichi states. For a moment, Tsukishima's ready to judge him in his head, but then again, he himself would probably say something similar. Besides, who's he to steal Dadchi's sleep? Actually, he remotely pities the guy-Daichi always looks as if he's internally screaming on the inside and just  _tired_.  If this was an alternate world that'd allow such a solution without consequence, he'd suggest for someone to actually put Daichi out of his misery.

"Homework, and I need to work on dying." Kinoshita and his deadbeat attitude states with an insouciant timbre. 

"I have to see my grandma today." Nishinoya shrugs with genuine sorriness in his voice. 

"My friend's birthday is today-" 

"Narita you have other friends?-" Kinoshita arches an eyebrow, and Narita just decks him behind the knees. 

"I'm too scared after hearing about his dad-" Asahi stammers nervously.

Tsukishima then realizes as silence befalls among them once everyone's done trading reasons, that he's the only one who hasn't bothered to offer a reason as to why he possibly couldn't visit Kageyama. Now, he could just say he didn't want to, but, he feels the concoction of pity and just indifference to the situation, simmer within him. So, with a flippant sigh, he says with a bored tone so that he can convey the obviousness of how much he's not necessarily excited for this, "Give me the papers I'll do it."

* * *

It's not really concern, because Tsukishima really can't visualize Kageyama  _that_ injured, unless if he did something stupid, but he's mostly curious. He's intrigued at whatever was responsible for Kageyama's lack of appearance on the court today, and so maybe that's why he's not exactly discouraged by having to do this, or why he has yet to make a snarky remark about how this is a waste of his time. Even though it is.

Glancing at the address Hinata sent to him with the multiple emoticons and sparkles, he's able to find the street, and pretty soon, he finds himself standing in front of a house, that's assumedly Kageyama Tobio's house.

His eyes flickering to it, he has to say, Kageyama's neighborhood seems nice. And the house, while it's not big, it isn't small either. A well-trimmed lawn decorates the house, and despite the smallest indications of flaky paint of the house, it's still relatively neat. 

He hopes he's at the right house. He's actually quite worried and nervous about knocking on the door now. The only time he ever went to someone's house _willingly_ , was everytime he visited Yamaguchi's apartment. And he's somewhat anxious at the prospect of knocking on some door belonging to people he's not familiar with. Even though he supposes he could be called as acquaintances with Kageyama, that doesn't diminish the fraying knot of worry tugging in him, because he is not looking towards the awkwardness that'll appear, whether or not he got the right house.

Before he could back out, he raps his knuckles sharply against the door, and waits. 

After the household being unresponsive for a few seconds, he knocks rather reluctantly again. 

He considers leaving, he does not want to be here, anyways. Maybe he did get the wrong household, and if so, he's glad that he spared himself from any embarrassment because it seems to him they're not even home. And he'll just give the papers to Kageyama when he gets back to school, or he'll just give them to Hinata and say he couldn't find his house...

And then the door creaks open.

 _Fucking hell,_ he plasters on a fake smile as he waits for the person to reveal themselves from behind the door, but is quick to drop the adopted grin when he sees Kageyama. "Great. Good I thought I got the wrong house at first," he begins with his snarky tone, ready to provoke the King with a few sardonic comments to try and find blindly for a sense of comfort from their old routine of bickering-

Only to stop when Kageyama practically crumples against the doorframe. 

Startled, he's quick to snap a remark in hopes of Kageyama responding to him normally:

"Oi King, straighten your posture how are you supposed to sit on a throne otherwise-"

Kageyama falls.

Oh shit.

* * *

The only time he ever handled a person with an intense fever, was Akiteru and he panicked when his brother heated up to extremely dangerous temperatures, that he ended up Googling for a solution.

 

He had to later explain to his mom why Akiteru was semi-conscious and sitting in a bathtub full of freezing water, ice cubes, and basically every frozen meat product that he found in the freezer, as well as some other stuff like frozen brussel sprouts and eight tubs of ice cream.

 

And judging by the fact that Kageyama's temperature is currently at the level where Google suggests for him to call the hospital, he's practically screaming. On the inside, of course. Like always.

Making sure that Kageyama doesn't necessarily face-plant on his wooden porch, Tsukishima lugs the shorter boy up, and attempts to try and have him hobble towards a resting place. 

And of course, that fucker is completely unconscious, therefore he can't carry at least some of his weight and not fully rely on Tsukishima.

Great.

Knowing he definitely doesn't have enough muscle strength to carry this boy, who though is smaller and possibly lighter, he doubts he'd be able to guarantee not dropping him. So, he attempts to shift him onto his back, and quickly, running through the house, with urgency because he doubts Kageyama is holding on tightly meaning if he loses pace he might slide off, he basically throws him onto the couch, which draws a groan from the boy.

Great. 

That indicates he's at least somewhat alive.

Sighing, Tsukishima supposes he might as well call the hospital, or at least someone who knows what they're doing and is confident in this sort of thing, but first, he positions Kageyama onto his back so that he's not leaning on his injured arm, and at least attempts to make him somewhat comfortable.

He also returns to the front door, to shut it before anyone can break in.

Even though he technically did.

Holy shit he trespassed onto their property.

Well, he supposes that if someone comes home to this...whatever _this_ really is, he'd be excused for making sure the household's son is at least...in somewhat safe hands. Staring at the limp body, he realizes he has no idea what to do. Do fevers just generally go away? Tsukishima rarely becomes ill, and the last time he was even remotely hurt was during the last match and his fingers started bleeding.

People can't die from fevers, right?

Rephrasing that aloud to Siri [Siri seems to be becoming more of an appearance in his life, within this past week], and in response, Siri says: 'Unfortunately, the lifetime of all organic creatures on Earth is finite'.

_Thanks Siri. So reassuring._

 

 


	4. fouroufou

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Save Tsukishima 2k17

He already shot probably a spam of twenty texts to Yamaguchi, and the boy has yet to respond. Which of course naturally triggers some sort of worry from him, because Yamaguchi is usually the one to initiate conversations, and rarely, does Tsukishima even message him more than short, clipped responses. Which is fine, since usually, they're physically together so they have no need to message each other, anyways. But for Tsukishima to text first, and not only that but to spam somewhat incoherent and disturbing messages and not to receive an answer from Yamaguchi who's usually always on his phone to watch cat videos, is strange. 

However, he assumed at least his messages carry some sense of urgency, so that when Yamaguchi does see them, he'll reply quickly. After all, a couple few of his favorites are:

_'what do I do with the body'_

_'Should I just leave him here'_

_'Yamaguchi if you don't answer I might just let him die'_.

He didn't bother to include Kageyama's identity in any of the messages, because he's sure if he does then Yamaguchi might actually die from fear, because for some reason, anything concerning Kageyama must resort to violence. They never really physically fought, despite some of his deranged visions from imaging how exactly Kageyama would react if he _did_ punch him in the face.

Well, he kinda wants to punch him in the face right now, for putting him in this uncomfortable predicament.   

Glaring at the boy, who's flustered and sweating on the couch, he just wishes he'd  _get better_. He would like to call an ambulance, but there's an unfortunate problem: he has no money. He would cover the fees of hospital care for Kageyama, but his parents are out of country for a conference, therefore they closed their bank accounts out of security measures because of their _previous_ incident which involved a flamethrower, an attempted robbery and Tsukishima accidentally crushing a closet door on thieving hands while fighting for his life with a clothes hanger. 

And another immediate problem would be the fact that he doesn't know whether or not Kageyama's family has enough money. 

Yes, the house looks well-off, but the thing is, there are little to no accessories or decorations within the house, none of the kitchen appliances had popular brand names, and this entire house lacked any ornaments or an average amount of furniture. There doesn't seem to be a television, either. It's not a bad house, but he doesn't want to call the hospital over a fever, especially if Kageyama could be easily cured through just sleep and nurturing care. He doesn't know if the payment would be bad, but judging by the neat appearance, he assumes that if it does eventually lead up to a hospital call, then they'd be financially stable either way. 

So, cautiously leaning down, he resists whacking Kageyama awake, but rather, brushes his sweaty bangs away from his sticky visage, and mutters, "Wow. Even in sleep he's frowning." But his face is definitely more relaxed, and actually, he seems to appear younger due to his features becoming more prominent from the disappearance of strain from stress and scowling all the time, such as his jawline, yet, the harsh edges once etched in his face and outlining it have soften from his relaxed position. "Oi. King." He snaps, and is surprised when Kageyama's eyes actually flutter open at only one call.

Feeling the scalding skin is actually worrying him, and but he doesn't call the hospital just yet, and says, "Hey. Do you want to go to the hospital?" he questions. Japan's health care is actually relatively cheap compared to other countries, so technically, a fever wouldn't cost much. But...his wounds. Would he want the doctors to treat them or touch him? He's unsure if Kageyama would feel comfortable with that.

Kageyama shakes his head, but stops, as he winces. Then, Tsukishima stiffens when Kageyama slowly crooks his head and positions his cheek to lean into the palm of his hand. "Mm...cold." He mutters, as his eyelids begin to lazily droop. Grimacing at the heat radiating off the boy, Tsukishima pulls away, which drawls a whine from the boy from the lack of coolness his hand gave. Walking to the kitchen, he grabs a nearby towel and hopes it's clean, and runs it underneath the sink in cold water, before wringing the excess liquid out of the cloth.

Taking the moist towelette back, he perches it onto the boy's forehead, while combing his bangs back. 

Great.

Okay, this is good.

Probably.

Well, he's not dead, and Tsukishima's sure he's making progress.

Tsukishima is honestly not good with sick people, or people in general. He then calls another contact on his phone before he does something stupid that might have him jailed for manslaugther.  _"Hello?"_ A voice fizzles in after the first couple rings. Inwardly sighing at relief that his call was intercepted, he says:

"Hey, Sugawara..." He nervously leaves off the suffix, as he knows that Sugawara would just smack him the next day if he continues to treat him formally. "So...I got to Kageyama's house, and he has a fever running really high." He informs.

He called Sugawara, due to his strategic sense of thinking. Though it's often not acknowledged by others, it's undeniable that Sugawara is intensely intelligent and cunning, considering how he was the one to create various symbols for games to be used, as well as code-words to shout when Kageyama and Hinata wanted to do their 'quick', without notifying the other team. And considering how he's diligent and tends to create multiple tactics and techniques that even forced Kyoutani during one match, to be trapped in the frontlines where he's vulernable, Tsukishima would say that Sugawara tends to be the fastest to think on the spot. 

Not like he'd ever tell Sugawara that.

Sugawara is really strange. Though he's well-known for his motherly nature that even other teams have witnessed, he's still somewhat like an eccentric child. With the way that he's quick to shout and hiss if needed, while chopping people randomly on the head for no justified reason, and being Karasuno's Number One cheerleader who's also on court most of the time, he's really odd. His childlike yet maternal attitudes both laced together creates something that only scares Tsukishima more than the disappearance of strawberry cake for the rest of his lifetime. It doesn't help that Tsukishima witnessed a sadistic side, when Sugawara was quick to leer with such a twisted countenance when another team is suffered through a humiliating defeat, that was ranked embarrassing because of their boastful words or offensive remarks towards Karasuno, and remains ruthless as he scorns their rival.

Weird.

 _"A fever?"_ Clear concern drips off Sugawara's tone.  _"He should be fine, it'll go down after a good rest and_ care." He reassures. _"How_ _high is his temperature?"_

Tsukishima had found a thermometer while rummaging through the cabinets. At first he came across one used to measure the heat of poultry and turkey, and figured that since Kageyama's also made of meat, it might just work. But he found a regular one in one of the cabinets later, so he just opted to use the recommended one. 

He retakes Kageyama's temperature. He...thinks it's better?  _"_ Uh. Forty-degrees." He answers calmly while holding his phone on speaker and the thermometer in the other. 

_"TSUKKI WHAT THE FUCK-"_

He drops his phone.

* * *

And that's why Tsukishima's sitting in a hospital nervously, feeling extremely out of place, with the worth of a background character that'd been accidentally incorporated in the spotlight. Sugawara has thankfully sorted out this mess, after having his parents drive them to the hospital, and then registering Kageyama in. Tsukishima really isn't sure why he remained, but here he is, basically being an underpaid babysitter as he's currently seated beside Kageyama's hospital bed.

Do fevers always get this bad? Tsukishima wouldn't know. He figures that the main reason why he's still here, is because he got here by Sugawara's car, and he feels much too shy to ask for a ride home, as they haven't offered yet. Therefore, he's stiffly in a really uncomfortable chair, next to Kageyama, whose arm was punctured by a needle connected with IV tubes. The doctors were checking to see if it's possible he received some other illness or infection that would've spawned such an unnerving fever, however, Tsukishima's pretty sure it's because Kageyama probably did something stupid.

Sugawara sighs, and collapses in the seat next to him. "Since none of us know Kageyama's parents or their numbers, they're searching it up right now to see if they can reach them." He explains. "Anyways, it's good that you found him when he did, once a fever hits past forty-point-five degrees, he'd definitely have to be hospitalized, and by forty-one-point-sixty-six degrees, he'd probably be dead." Tsukishima does an uncommon gnaw on his lip. He didn't...think it'd be that bad. His eyes dilate. He found Kageyama at precisely forty-degrees. Just a couple numbers higher and he wouldn't be alive.

It's as if the reality and severity of Kageyama's condition and situation is finally dawning on him, which is strange considering how he tends to have a pretty fast comprehension rate and understanding.

"How does an idiot even get this sick." Tsukishima states directly, with such meanness that it doesn't even sound like a question concocted from concern. Worried that he probably conveys his asshole-ness as usual, for once in his life, he feels the need to actually act upon remorse, but is relieved when he sees Sugawara's understanding expression. 

"I'm really not sure...I don't know. I'm not good with infections and stuff," he chuckles uncomfortably, but he's probably unnerved by this predicament. Tsukishima is, and rarely, does he even care. He's normally insouciant to just about everything. "But...at least he'll probably get better." Another nurse runs in, replacing the towel that his partner earlier placed on Kageyama's forehead, and he and Sugawara fall silent as the nurse begins to wet the towel in a bucket of water. The ice cubes clink against the inside of the bucket, as he dunks the towel in.

They don't continue talking until he successfully finishes his task. "He'll...probably be okay. Hey, I'm going to step out a bit and tell our team why Kageyama's currently unavaliable." He says.

Moments after Sugawara leaves, and he feels a sudden vibration on his thigh. Reaching into his jeans, he pulls out his phone, which buzzed due to a text. Clicking on the notification, he inwardly groans as he realizes, that Sugawara decided to send a text to all of them, therefore creating a group chat. 

Group chats are never a good thing. 

Sugawara doesn't return, so he assumes that he's probably calling Daichi or Coach Ukai. In the meantime, he just stares at the problematic boy in front of him. Annoying.

Another nurse enters, and Tsukishima's ready to ignore her so that she can peacefully do her job. However, she approaches him, and startles him with, "excuse me, but I'm to assume you're his friend?" She points at the currently disabled setter.

"Ah, yes." He answers politely, wondering exactly why she's talking to him. If it's something important, shouldn't she discuss this with Sugawara's parents? If she expects him to know any medication or answer some question, he's not going to know. Ew. Him not knowing something. Strange. He feels oddly useless every time he confronts this situation, and sees Kageyama, technically under his temporary responsibility, half dead. Great.

He's feeling guilty over the temporarily disabled boy, despite the obvious fact that it wasn't his fault he's in this critical state. 

"We tried to contact his parents." She begins, her face carefully masked, and he assumes that they're out or maybe they died. He inwardly chuckles at his awful thought. Of course, not that he'd ever feel regret for stating such twisted hilarity. Actually, this reminds him of the week after he first met the Freak Duo, and he was confronted with Hinata, who apparently, was extremely worried about his mental state of being due to Tsukishima's constant dry remarks, and the fact that he always looks done with life. He was startled, taken back, that the two would actually be concerned over something that's so obviously a joke [yeah, a joke], especially since he's well aware that their relationship was rocky, and it still is today.

Well, Yamaguchi had to desperately clear it up, explaining that Tsukishima has a dark sense of humor, and if he starts saying things about wanting to die, then ignore him.

Huh, maybe he really is like Daichi in some sense, despite believing he never had a real similarity with his said upperclassman.

"And they didn't answer?" He finishes, as his previous memory and thoughts swarm away, as he addresses the nurse.

"No. They answered, but apparently his mom is too busy to come see her son, and his dad's phone was disabled." She answers, her expression cautiously crafted into a slight frown to convey sympathy for Kageyama, as she remains professional. 

"Oh." He finishes lamely. 

"So, the plan is for us to let him stay overnight here, and since you're his friend, may you please talk to his mother to get her to come pick him up?" She asks nicely. 

"Yeah, sure." He answers shortly, his words stunted as usual. She nods in appreciation, before walking away. 

He's finally given time to fully digest exactly what her words indicate. His mother isn't coming. Apparently whatever she's doing, is valued greater than her own son. And while he knows that he shouldn't judge Kageyama's mother about this, because maybe she does want to come, but she's just swamped with some really important work or something that she just can't leave. But despite that reasonable explanation, he could only tone down his bitterness and disdain, to just pity for Kageyama. But no farther than that.

And his father, well, maybe his phone's been cut off? It's certainly an unusual case, albeit, not a rare one.

And, the nurse wants him to contact Kageyama's parents? That'll certainly prove to be a problem, considering how he doesn't even know the names of his parents. Parents. Parents who though were informed of Kageyama's clearly critical condition, was ignored. 

Tsukishima is well aware he doesn't have a right to judge their parental skills, and before he could go down a path of mental arguing over how he feels about them, his phone buzzes.

And it buzzes again.

And again.

At this, he picks up his phone, feeling somewhat relieved he no longer has to battle this out in his head, until he sees that those chats are from the group chat.

 

 _Sugawara:_ Guys, Kageyama is currently hospitalized due to a fever. That's why he wasn't at practice today. 

 _Thing 1:_  AHHH KAGEGKD:JLSFG NOOOOOOO WHATT SID HE DO DOMETHING STUPIS iDIOT IDIOT IDIOT

 _xxx-xxx-xxx:_ Awe, I hope he gets better :(

 _xxx-xxx-xxx:_ a fever can get that bad/

 

He feels somewhat strange that he only knows Hinata's number out of all of them, but he's also snickering at his particular choice of contact names for him as well. Quickly, he's able to differentiate who everybody is in this chat, and identify them.

 

He begins to name all of the contacts in the group chat.

 

 _Mr. Refreshing:_ Guys, Kageyama is currently hospitalized due to a fever. That's why he wasn't at practice today. 

 _Thing 1:_ AHHH KAGEGKD:JLSFG NOOOOOOO WHATT SID HE DO DOMETHING STUPIS iDIOT IDIOT IDIOT

 _Ennoshita:_ Awe, I hope he gets better :(

 _Thing 2_ : a fever can get that bad/

 

Then:

 

 _Dadchi:_ Tsukishima you do know we can see your name changes, right?

_'Thing 2' changes name into NishinOYA_

_Thing 1 changes 'Tsukishima Kei' into 'Salt shaker'_

_Tanaka Ryuunosuke changes 'Mr. Refreshing' into 'Mother Lord'_

_Ennoshita changes 'Tanaka Ryuunosuke' into 'Baldie'_

_Salt shaker:_ stop

_Baldie changes 'Ennoshita' into 'EnnoSHITa'_

_Dadchi:_ im tired and all of you guys need to shut up

 _Salt shaker:_ Dad must be that tired if his spelling actually fails

_Dadchi:..._

_Mother Lord:_ EXCUSE Me IVE BEEN TRYiNH TO GER DAICHI TO tYPE LIKR A NORMAL TEENAGHER FOR FIUR FREALKING YEDRS AND YET TWO MINUTES INTO THIS GROAPCHAT YU ALREDY GOT HIM tO? BITCH

 _Dadchi:_ and two minutes into this group chat you got Suga to swear already.

 _NishinOYA:_ bitvh we just dat good

 _Cowardly Lion:_ Guys please dont make suga mad we hvae to deal with him tmrw remember that

 _Baldie:_ fuck

 _Mother Lord:_ don't fucking swear while you're under this group chat, not in my good, suburban Christian messages

 

Tsukishima feels as if he's going in too deep, and contemplates tossing his phone out the window. 

* * *

 Kageyama is not in pain, as in before. The intense throbbing that fixated on the back of his skull earlier in the morning, has ceased to nothing more than a twinge, which only happens if he jerks his head around too fast. and honestly, the most uncomfortable feeling he has right now is the fact that he's been sitting on this creaky hospital bed for probably thirty minutes, and his butt's going numb. Over the past half hour, he's been watching Tsukishima, who's across the room. The said room has darkened, with the only source of light being the dim lamp placed on the nightstand beside Tsukishima, where he's been presumably reading, considering the book, wedged open with its spine upwards, sitting on his lap with a limp hand over it.

How oddly sloppy, and Kageyama knows that by that book's position, the spine will surely crease-he always assumed Tsukishima would be the type to take better care of books and shit on others who don't.

His eyes had easily adjusted to the unlit room, and he's sure that by this point, it's well past midnight, as there isn't any light coming from behind the pale blinds that obscure the window next to him. He's unsure as to why he didn't notify anyone, or woken Tsukishima up to inform that he's still breathing, and honestly, he's pretty sure over the said thirty minutes, he was busy making up his mind.

Whether to move or not to move.

The only reason why he even bothered to woke up was because-

He gotta pee. Like, really bad. _Really bad_.  

He'll worry about the fact that he's currently retained in a hospital without his parents' permission [they'll surely hit him later for it, as they're afraid of sending him to any medical building other than for checkups that occur yearly before attending school, as last time, their ex-family doctor became concerned with the numerous bruises, mottled and blotchy skin, as well as the lacerations littered across his body], and instead, focus on the fact, _he really gotta pee._

But he doesn't want to cause a commotion, because surely, it'd wake up Tsukishima. Tsukishima. Who's for some strange reason, in this hospital room. Narrowing his eyes, Kageyama decides that the blonde asshole is beginning to meddle in his life too much to be tolerable. If Tsukishima becomes entangled with his family affairs, that'd be a complete concern, as he knows he'll receive critical judgement from the blonde. He knows his family isn't the best out of normal, therefore he's sure that it'll take seconds to receive backlash.

He's also concerned that the doctors may have found his marred body suspicious. His parents rarely aim for the legs, therefore wearing shorts is not a problem. His face remains intact, and his parents are careful to keep an unmarred visage for him-they rarely touch his face, except, clearly, he has a shiner today. But normally, they'd settle with a sharp slap across the cheek, which'll physically fade and disappear, leaving nothing more than a mental warning burnt into his brain. But, he's well aware that there are some deep gashes near his sides and back, where he sometimes simply wasn't able to treat properly, therefore leaving with scabs, previous infections, and scars. The doctors won't overlook that as mere accidents or that he's simply accident-prone or clumsy. 

He bristles.

His raises his other arm, free of the syringe. They bandaged his wound, and, as he begins to prod near his shin, his finger is able to detect rough layers underneath his thin hospital gown.

They definitely thoroughly cleaned the recent wound from a couple weeks ago, on his side.

He purses his lips, praying to any sort of deity, a God, perhaps, that the doctors won't inform his parents, or anyone, about his lacerations.  He'll lie. He'll just say he get into a lot of fights, which could be easily supported by even his old scars, and his bruised eye. He laxes at that thought. Yes, he can deceive his way out. He has to hold out a bit longer, he can't necessarily just call the police on his parents. He actually doesn't believe they're doing anything wrong. 

It's normal for parents to be above the children, to use them to fulfill their needs of emotions, heritage, legacy, family name, whatever. He knows that it's a normal rule among society, especially around his area, to be respectful of whoever is older than you. Parents should be above your decisions no matter what.

But. 

He's definitely noticed that Hinata's family is different than his. With Natsu, who adoringly follows Hinata everywhere from what he's seen whenever he comes over to study, to his parents, who are heavily sarcastic but convey obvious affection through their sardonic remarks, they're definitely more expressive of their emotions than his parents.

He wouldn't be sure, how a normal family operates. But he knows that his family and Hinata's family can both be considered normal, just on different sides of various spectrums. His family just happens to be less positive with whatever emotions they may hold, and less expressive of them, only acting on the harsher feelings. All families are different, he's learned from society that different families aren't bad-it'd be realistically impossible not to have difference between each family's patterns, characteristics, and so on. 

He's getting the hint that he clearly doesn't hold any sort of love for his parents, the same love Hinata flourishes and expresses as he flounces around the house, while helping his mother cook or forcing Kageyama [who only feigns reluctance] to act out scenes from  _Finding Nemo_  and _Mulan_ with him to entertain Natsu, who by the way, happens to love Kageyama's impression of Mushu-

But that doesn't mean there's really anything wrong with his parents in general, he supposes. It's natural for people to dislike each other, or to feel unfairly treated, isn't that right? He felt that way while he was the old 'King', though his emotions back then were more muddled and unidentifiable than with his parents, so that means, the way his family functions isn't that strange? There's nothing wrong with what his parents are doing, rather, it's more like he just doesn't like it. Just because he doesn't like it, doesn't necessarily mean that their actions aren't uncommon, he's sure.

After all, Hinata's family is one of the only families he's actually observed, and their behavior, though different, is probably also common. There are a variety of families out there, and Kageyama simply believes he just hasn't witnessed one like his yet, though he's sure that it's accepted, the same way Hinata's family works, in society.

At that thought, he lifts his hand to rub the nape of his neck to try and ease the crick that caused from his consistent slouch, only to jerk his hand back and hiss, as he forgotten the IV needle was still swathed and held down with tape, in the crook of his elbow. "Mm?" He freezes, feeling his spin straighten as he recoils slightly, when Tsukishima's figure shifts. How sensitive was that boy to sound? Damn.

He prays for him to go back to sleep, but unfortunately, due to his readjustment, the book slid out of Tsukishima's lap, and smacks loudly against the tiled floor. Tsukishima jostles awake, practically jerking upright with such ferocity, Kageyama himself actually flinched. "Hm?" Tsukishima removes his glasses, and rubs his eyes with the inside of his wrists. "Oh. I'm still here." His voice is raspy due to the lack of use, and he stares at Kageyama, who stares back.

"Were you staring at me in my sleep?"

"Yes." _Wait._

"I-" he exhales sharply. "Why?" He settles for.

"Uh." Kageyama honestly doesn't know. "I woke up. And...I kinda needed to pee but I didn't want to wake you up. So I was thinking of a way to get to the bathroom." he answers, feeling foolish.

"Oh my God."

"Stop, trust me, I'm not necessarily happy about this situation either." Kageyama retorts gruffly, and Tsukishima flips him off. Is it bad to feel a sense of normality every time they argue? Possibly. Kageyama has no idea, because he happens to suck at making friends, therefore his experience and knowledge is limited. 

"How long were you up for." He's lost any sort of quirk in his voice that'd indicate he's asking a question, it sounds more like a flat statement.

"Like. I don't know. Half an hour?"

"You've been holding in your pee for half an hour?"

"Probably longer. Doesn't help there were IV bags, which adds more fluids." He whines, as if he needed to excuse his dumb body functions that  _keeps him alive_ (asshole). 

"You're such a bother."

"You're such a loser."

"Tch. What a dumb insult. Fits a dumb King. Who the hell gets a twelve percent on their math test, anyways?" He scowls, and before Kageyama can retort, he stands upright, his knees also popping due to his sudden action. Cracking his spine, Tsukishima approaches him. "Get up. I'll lead you to the bathroom. If you faint, then don't faint in the toilet or else you'll probably drown. Which I'm fine with, but I don't really need to be taken account for second-degree-murder, or homicide. We'll see." He yawns. 

And the nicest thing Tsukishima did within the past five minutes after provoking Kageyama to the point where he kinda wants to fight him-

He holds out his hand. His hand, scabbed with callouses that Kageyama could automatically identify as markings caused by volleyball. His crooked fingers, long and elegant, much prettier than Kageyama's own hands, which though are slender as well, thinner than Tsukishima's and armored with hardened skin and blisters, are tiny in comparison. 

And isn't his own thoughts a lie? Because Tsukishima definitely did a greater deed for him:

He stayed. 

Kageyama, though he would've panicked a lot less if he woke up alone in the hospital, still found the end result at the moment with the boy around, a lot better than the one he would've gotten if he woke up alone. Alone. He would've been scared, with no distraction, wondering endlessly who helped him into the hospital, who saw him, what did the doctors see and who answered their concerns-

At least with Tsukishima here, those worries muted. Because mutually hated company is still a company he's so used to, after being around the sarcastic boy for over a year now. 

"Well?" Tsukishima prompts. "You didn't fade out on me, there, huh?" Blinking, he realizes he submerged himself deep into his thoughts, that he ignored Tsukishima's offered hand. Taking it, he allows the boy to stabilize him as he climbs out of bed, wobbling on his feet. The ground swoons beneath him, and he swallows dryly, as his head remains disorientated by his change of position. 

"Hey, don't faint on me."

Maybe it's because it's Tsukishima and his snark, but he retorts with a sharp timbre: "I won't." He grits, as if he accepts Tsukishima's sugarcoated challenge. Tsukishima is always quick to draw anger out of Kageyama with just a few provocations. Hinata too, but HInata did it by accident while Tsukishima does it with malicious calculating beforehand, as he observes and acts, always thinking beforehand. Therefore, he knows how his words infuriate him, he knows exactly what he's saying and how Kageyama will respond.

And the worst part is that though Kageyama is fully conscience of those dirt moves, he still obeys to them. As if it's an undeniable law. Like,  _For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction._ He can't defy it. It's simply not possible.

And as Tsukishima shoves him into the bathroom, while hissing, "If you start to faint just scream really loudly. I'll...probably...get help." (asshole), Kageyama cannot help but wonder, if Tsukishima will start an action and draw out an opposite reaction from him, something he doesn't want him to see. 

What if he asks about his parents? And Kageyama knows, that there's no way for him to falter through his defensive stance the moment Tsukishima questions them. What if Tsukishima begins to poke in places, and Kageyama reacts without real consent, speaking because he can't help this law of motion?

Wow, this is getting way to deep for a setting when he's in a hospital bathroom at probably past twelve at midnight and taking a shit after being detained for a fever. 

He really has to get his head out of his self-pitying ass and gather up all the guts he might puke up earlier, to say 'thanks'.

Even though he'd really just rather puke.

As he finishes, and begins to wash his hands, he then stops.

_Parents._

His mother said something extremely important.

_He left._

This time, he really does puke.

* * *

Tsukishima's leaning outside of the door, scrolling down the dimmed screen of his phone, where the time in the corner tells him it's past one and he mentally reminds himself he has to still get to school by six.

He wants to make another one of those 'I want to die jokes' that apparently gives people the impression that he is not okay. Which he isn't. He's never okay because this kinda shit happens to him, where he's sitting in the hospital after trying to be a decently nice person and helping a friend with his homework.

He smirks to himself. Not that he minds it.

Then he hears the first retch.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay. So like let's just say Kageyama's fever wasn't contagious because later i'll include thAT WHOOPS IT WAS AN INFECTION that caused the fever therefore it's not a contagious virus [probably], and lets say when the doctor mentioned it to tsukki and suga, sugamama's gonna sniff shit out.
> 
> Also, PLEASE READ THISJFDLAJF'EWJFAEJFEW
> 
> Kageyama doesn't know what child services is.  
> He doesn't understand, exactly, what child abuse is, and that it's simply illegal and immoral. He senses that it's wrong, but since he's never really interacted with other families, and since his current and new/first friends, seem just like him in some attributes, he simply just assumed that his family was normal, just had a different way of doing things.
> 
> That's how I'd believe he understand it, because it's canon that he was friendless due to his attitude and personality, and I would assume that in this universe, he wouldn't understand how to emphasize with others, or socialize, if he was constantly kept under watch, 'care', and beaten by his parents, he only knew his parents.  
> His parents were the only thing he KNEW.
> 
> So it'd make sense that he'd believe how his parents acted were how other normal beings acted, so he'd obviously copy their behavior.
> 
> It's not until he met Hinata and his family, did he realize that he never truly loved his parents, because he never really had anyone confirm or explain what 'love' was to him, until he compared his emotions and lackluster to Hinata's emotions for his family.
> 
> And when Kageyama claims he's afraid of backlash from Tsukishima, it's probably because he's ashamed that his family isn't as vibrant as Hinata, because though he constantly attempts to convince himself his family is normal, because he doesn't know it's not because nobody bothered to tell him and he has really nothing to compare his life to that'd give him a drastic realization, he's still envious of how Hinata's family functions, therefore, he probably believes that in a sense, his family is lower. Therefore since he thinks child abuse is socially acceptable, he thinks Tsukishima would just sneer at him.
> 
> Now, since Kageyama believes abuse is socially acceptable, how come he hasn't blown it for his parents by talking about it normally?
> 
> Well, his parents would obviously teach him to shut his mouth. Another reason why he thinks Tsukishima would sneer at him, because his parents are hiding this abuse. So he probably thinks that though it's accepted, it's still frowned upon as something disgusting, in a sense like stepping on dog shit, or like how some people would look at homeless people [I'm sorry, that was a horrible comparison I just wanted y'all to see this from Kageyama's perspective]. So he interprets his parents attempt of hiding this abuse, that what they're doing is shameful, therefore he thinks Tsukishima would probably tease him about it. He doesn't understand that abuse simply just isn't morally acceptable.
> 
>  
> 
> Another thing, lol, in America, ambulances are so fucking expensive that if I were to have a seizure or some shit, i wouldn't let anyone call the hospital and rather just ride it out and hope that i don't die, because my family can't afford this.
> 
> In america, some people like seniors actually wear tags and shit to inform you, to not call the ambulance, because they simply can't handle such debt. Even if like a neighbor or someone else calls for an ambulance, the person in care would be charged, so that's why people shouldn't rush into calling for an ambulance so quickly because it's just so damn expensive.
> 
> Like America's healthcare is pretty shitty, because, basically, we'd rather have people just say, 'i'd rather hope that i don't die from a possibly severe health condition than call the ambulance because i can't afford it!!!!!111!'


	5. Chapter 5

"No-" Tsukishima jiggles the doorknob. "I am not dealing with vomit today-" He jerks it, before pounding his fist on the door. Honestly, while the hallways are still dimly lit, it's somewhat freaky, due to the lack of people milling around as it should be in an active hospital. As if he's currently in an abandoned hospital, with Kageyama puking or some shit. Shuddering at the imagery he's placed in, he just raps his knuckles politely against the door. "Kageyama?" He says hesitantly.

The door smacks him as it jerks open, and he quickly sidesteps to allow the boy to bypass, scowling as he rubs the area where the edge of the door whacked him. Kageyama, in his full glory, looks like absolute shit.

"Um." Tsukishima wrinkles his nose, he can smell the rancid odor wafting from the toilet bowl, where he presumably puked. "Are you okay?" He focuses his attention on the swaying figure of Kageyama, who just slowly nods his head. Kageyama's arm, is limp, but cautiously propped by his hand, Tsukishima notes the needle still taped as it's jabbed in its place. They've removed him from the IV bags for the moment by unscrewing the tubes that connect the syringe to it, to allow him to move freely to the bathroom.

"Cool as a pool." Kageyama gives him a thumbs up as he leans into Tsukishima, and at this, Tsukishima nearly collapses onto the floor due to the boy's weight and utter lack of support.

"Don't you mean 'cool as a cucumber'? Even so, that sounds lame." Tsukishima grits his teeth as he struggles to keep the boy from sustaining even more injuries by falling. The boy emits a low whine, and Tsukishima groans as he realizes the needle punctured into him is beginning to prod and jostle around underneath his flesh, which is probably not comfortable. "And also, please never be half-delusional again because you sound high as fuck." Tsukishima adds. "Dammit you're surprisingly heavy. Please stand up." The boy actually seems to still have retained a little bit of consciousness, as he finally stabilizes on his feet long enough, before Tsukishima just opts to sit down, and the boy crumples onto his feet as well. Tsukishima sighs, and drags the boy to sit between his longer legs to cage him in before he flops around.

Really, he's like a fish out of water.

He knows he doesn't really blame Kageyama for this, however, he feels the need to continue be a little shit in his head, and mentally make sardonic comments inwardly so that he doesn't feel awkward for having to be somewhat affectionate towards Kageyama, since he knows that he's not actually gonna be mean to him. He's rude to Kageyama, but that's just because it's a routine between them that's familiar and comforting, and in a form, it's a sense of endearment between them. At least, on his side it is. He's not really sure how Kageyama takes it considering how he's pretty oblivious to everything around him, but Tsukishima would consider this as a way they communicate in their own friendship. 

So, creating snarky commentary makes it feel as if there's nothing weird between them, so that watching over Kageyama isn't too far into strange and foreign territory.

"You okay?" He utters uncomfortably, as Kageyama just rests his head in the crook of his neck, using Tsukishima as a makeshift pillow.

He wishes Kageyama didn't. He's ticklish. But, Kageyama is warm, and the hospital is chill to the point that Tsukishima regrets only wearing a t-shirt, so the body heat from the latter isn't too unwanted, and in some sense, could be considered appreciated.

"Mm."

"That's not an answer, are you still that much of an idiot?"

"MMMM."

"Amazing."

Then, Tsukishima's shoulder is suddenly _moist_. _"Are you crying?"_ Tsukishima inquires incredulously, panic spiking through him, yet, he remains nonchalant with his tone so that Kageyama doesn't feel indignant. _Oh_ , well, now his t-shirt is definitely sopping wet, and he feels the curve of his neck feel damp.  _Great_. "Uh." Rather unsure, he places his hand on Kageyama's back.  _Where are the nurses? Surely someone would've come and checked up in our room and noticed we're gone?_

"No." Kageyama snaps, his tone soft as it's muffled by the fabric of Tsukishima's shirt. 

"Kageyama, I'm pretty sure you're crying."

"Idiot I don't know what you're talking about."

Tsukishima stares at him, unimpressed as he inclines the boy away from his shoulder, revealing swollen waterlines and glassy eyes glossy with tears. "I'm pretty sure you're the idiot here if you can't identify tears."

"Asshole." Kageyama's voice is stuffy and thick from tears and mucus, and his eyes avert from Tsukishima, probably from embarrassment.

"Thanks." He states flippantly. "So, what's up?" He asks rather awkwardly. While it's easy for him to rationalize how others' would react, their mindsets and their personalities rather easily since it all boils down to psychology, culture and basically things that he could easily learn and detect in others. However, that doesn't necessarily mean he's good at sympathy. He doesn't know how to have emotional talks, even though he knows how words could affect others, he just can't _find_ the words. He can't make up words on the spot. He doesn't know what to say, and how to respond because it's not like he's scared on how others will react to it, he knows how they will already-

He just can't find the right words that'll evoke the right response.

"Nothing." Kageyama gripes. 

"Yes, because 'nothing' means that you're not crying into my shoulder."

"Shut up." 

"Hm." Tsukishima isn't going to pressure Kageyama into telling him what's going on. And, perhaps a little guilty part of him is rather glad for this, he was starting to become uncomfortable. It's not like he doesn't want to hear the problem, he does. He wants to know. He's curious, no matter how cruel that sounds. It's not for his own fascination, he's actually somewhat concerned for Kageyama as well; he knows that Kageyama's not the crying type. To cry over something, that 'something' must be rather dangerous. Or it could be just the discontinuation of milk, but Tsukishima's pretty sure that's not it.

But while he wants to know the problem, that doesn't mean he knows how to respond and support Kageyama. So he'd rather not hear it, than possibly making Kageyama feel worse.

"Do you mind if I tell you?" Kageyama whispers. Tsukishima expected for Kageyama to respond, just not in this way. He assumed that Kageyama would've wanted them to return to their hospital room and feign oblivion.

If Kageyama wants to talk to him, that would indicate he suppresses his emotions most of the time, or that he simply doesn't have anyone else to talk to. Which is not good. Because Tsukishima, while he himself bottles up his emotions, which is rather unhealthy since it leads to in-depth thoughts of his self-doubt, and inability to confirm his thoughts and suspicions because nobody else knows about the ordeal, where he's constantly invaded by lack of relief, and constant hell: he still talks to people when it gets too much. He's not that desperate, and usually, the stress ends up going away since it's caused by either volleyball or schoolwork. Sometimes he'd consult with Sugawara, but never discuss his problem, but just talk. And maybe Sugawara already knows or something because he seems to have an instinct to know his childrens' problems, but their talks always slightly solve or answer his problems even though they never actually mention it.

And he'd feel better.

Or whenever it's just a loneliness problem, or a situation where he's dealing with emotions not related to schoolwork or sports, he'd hang out with Yamaguchi, and eventually, something happens. They'd talk. And then things get better.

And sometimes, he'd even trust Akiteru enough to ask for advice. They never talk about each others' problems, but if they ask for something, they both automatically assume that however they answer will deeply affect something that they don't know about, so they answer seriously and cautiously.

 

Does Kageyama have that? Does he have the luxury of speaking to others?

  
Is he just simply alone?

 

"Yeah. Okay. Tell me." Tsukishima encourages softly. 

 

"I think my dad left because of me." Kageyama murmurs, as his eyes lower, obscured by his lashes as he peers down.

Tsukishima noticeably stiffen, his spine locking. And Kageyama must've felt this, as his jaw works. Tsukishima winces, noting how he automatically became defensive. He sighs, and leans forward, and shoves Kageyama into his shoulder, flinching because that kinda hurts, but then again, it's not as if he's ever been graceful with Kageyama ever. 

He wasn't expecting that.

He always assumed that everybody on his team just had normal lives at home. Because there was no reason to think otherwise. Which was foolish of him, but reasonable and understandable. "Your....dad?" He echoes, since he doesn't really know what to say.

A nod.

"Why?" Tsukishima inquires objectively.

"....Mom told me."

Now, Tsukishima definitely wasn't expecting such a response. "Your  _mom?_ That's....not very supportive you know." 

_Supportive, huh? Kageyama's mom didn't come and see her own son, remember._

* * *

"Your  _mom?_ That's....not very supportive you know." His words were clipped. Kageyama feels defensive at that. Is Tsukishima judging his household situation? Judging his parents? Just because his mother happens to treat him in a different manner than Tsukishima's probably does, doesn't mean that he has a right to sound so distant.  _Actually, when I stayed over at his house, his parents weren't home_.

"Yeah." Kageyama replies, equally as brittle.

"Why would she say that?" He asks, his voice lacking any personal emotion or tone that Kageyama could use to define Tsukishima's thoughts. 

"Because that's what happened." Kageyama replies simply, his eyes fixated on the wall behind Tsukishima's shoulder, who he's resting on. Kageyama, who's not used to releasing emotions with such intensity, feels utterly drained. His body is tired from functioning despite it being less than ten minutes since he actually moved around, and his mind slowly darkening as fatigue and distinct emptiness of energy soaked into his brain and bones. 

Tsukishima shifts, and Kageyama, feeling his spine ache from the awkward distance between his legs and Tsukishima's front, slots his himself closer by placing his legs over Tsukishima's thighs. At this, his body releasing tension from the more comfortable positioning, allows sleep to settle over his priorities.

He wants to cry more.

His mom is mad.

Disappointed.

Does he really care about that?

At the moment, not really. 

He just wants to sleep.

However, Tsukishima's insouciant timbre continues to drag him out of unconsciousness, and it's starting to irritate him. "Do you think it's your fault your dad left?"

"Probably."

"Really?"

"Shut up."

* * *

Tsukishima's sore, and Kageyama's unresponsive. "Kageyama?" He snaps, hissing and lowering his volume for no apparent reason. The boy remains listless. Tsukishima has half the mind to toss the King onto the floor, but that'd be rather cruel. But there's no way for him to contact doctors, and there's no way he's going to be able to carry Kageyama. Well, perhaps it's possible, the boy is shorter than him, and thinner. But that doesn't mean Tsukishima's strong enough and Kageyama's small enough for this idea to work.

So, instead, he just shifts Kageyama closer so that he can peer over the boy's head, and at his phone. 

_Group chat: Karasuhoe_

_NishinOYA:_ _wait so kagyma is still alive rite_

_Deadchi: please stop texting it's one in the morning go to sleep_

_Tanasass: sorri but me and noya r busy playin mario kart cant stop now_

_Kino(imdonewithyour)shita: guys my ktichens on fire what the fuck i just wanted to make cereal??//?_

_Mandarin: WAIT SO IS IDIOT KAGEYAMA OK WAT I NEED 2 NO IF HES ALIVE he owes me ice cream_

_Deadchi: wait where's Tsukishima? Did he just disappear after visiting Kageyama?_

_Mandarin: maybe Dumbass Kageyama killed him_

_Tsukishita: wait Hinata. I like how that's the only sentence you bothered to use proper spelling with^^_

_Mandarin: TUSKISHIMAS ALIV GUSY!11!_

_Deadchi: amazing. Go the fuck_ asleep.

_Mandarin: WIA:J BUT IS KAGE ALIVE THO and suga will get m ad at u 4 swearing._

_Tsukishita: no. bye._

 

 

 

Tsukishima figures that he's going to block everyone tomorrow morning. 

 

 

* * *

 

The doctors found them the next morning, Tsukishima's phone no longer in his limp hand as it's only settled on the floor beside him, while asleep in a supposedly uncomfortable position and crouched over Kageyama, dead as well and on his lap. 

* * *

 "You're heavy."

"I'm not heavy." Kageyama gripes as he eats the oatmeal the doctor provided for him as breakfast. They even bothered to give Tsukishima a bowl of cereal and milk [which Kageyama stared at enviously until Tsukishima sighed and handed him the carton of milk], despite the fact that he technically didn't pay for service. "You're just weak." Kageyama retorts.

"Uh huh."

Kageyama glowers at him.

Right. Familiarity. After the doctors woke them up, both groggy and irritated at three in the morning, and escorted them back to their rooms, they both collapsed on the hospital bed, which lead to multiple arguments of Tsukishima refusing to sit on that plastic chair any longer and Kageyama hissing as Tsukishima's apparently 'too tall height' and how he took too much space-

They found peace when Tsukishima just slept on his side. When they woke up, Kageyama promptly kicked him out of bed, and Tsukishima flipped him off.

They didn't discuss the talk last night.

And honestly, Tsukishima, if anything, feels invested. Interested. Curious about Kageyama's family situation. He won't pry, that's rude and an unforgivable act. But he definitely wants to know. 

"Aren't you going to school?" Kageyama inquiries.

"Are you that much of a dumbass? It's a Saturday."

Kageyama sputters indignantly: "How the fuck was I supposed to know?"

Chiding Kageyama in a way that Hinata normally would, he scornfully leers, "Kageyama, that's so vulgar. Don't say 'fuck'. Use 'heck'." 

Kageyama throws the plastic spoon at Tsukishima, and in return, he flinches, wrinkling his nose as tiny bits of oatmeal splatters onto his cheek. "An offering from the King? What an honor I feel so blessed."

"Get out. Why are you here?"

"I don't have a ride back."

"Are you serious?"

"My mom's at work, I refuse to ask Akiteru for favors since he'll drive us to KFC and force me to eat a meal because apparently 'I don't eat enough', and my dad is currently in America on a business trip." He answers with no luster, and Kageyama nods respectfully. "And I feel too weird asking others for favors so i'm here."

"Stop being so prideful?" Kageyama advises. 

 _Thanks_ , Tsukishima thinks sardonically. "Wow, thanks. Amazing. I never knew. Are you speaking from experience, dictator?" Kageyama's features steels, and Tsukishima inwardly winces. 'King' and 'Dictator' have different meanings to Kageyama, he supposes. "Experience implies change in character, too." He adds flippantly, and at this, Kageyama's countenance softens into something similar to appreciation and another emotion that Tsukishima can barely identify.

Tsukishima observes the boy eating. Really, he looks like a child to him in this light, due to his innocent expression and lack of words. Strange. "Hey, Kageyama. Is your mom going to come see you?" At this, Kageyama's innocence diminishes into nothing more than defensiveness from someone scared of judgement, of someone who's seen enough to be aware of his situation to be different enough for others to judge. So basically every hormonal teenager, but like, take this and multiple it by fifty. So a really angsty and super-hormonal teenager.  _Now why would that be?_  

"Probably not going to come." Kageyama's voice suggests no room for judgement.

Tsukishima doesn't test him for once.

"Okay. Who's going to give you a ride home?" He inquires.

Kageyama shrugs jerkily.

"Hm. I guess I will call Akiteru today to come pick me up. Come over." He adds, and at this, Kageyama's head jerks upwards, and he clasps eyes with Tsukishima for the first time this morning. And Tsukishima is rather startled by himself too. He wouldn't mind offering Kageyama a ride home, but insisting on him coming over? "Yeah. Come over." He repeats, in case if Kageyama noticed his sudden shock and reluctance, and uses this as an attempt to obscure it. 

"You guys wouldn't mind?"

"Would your mom mind?" Tsukishima feels rather guilty for being passive-aggressive towards Kageyama's mom, and Kageyama's lips knot into a scowl. He shakes his head, clearly unsure if that's a positive or negative thing that his mom wouldn't care. "Great. Then come over."

Clearly, Kageyama wants to ask 'why', and Tsukishima's glad he doesn't, since he doesn't really have an answer for such a question. "Uh. Thanks." Is how he settles it.

Tsukishima just waves it off with a toss of his hand, and Kageyama smiles. "Don't worry about it. You just owe me something since I called Akiteru for a favor for you specifically." 

"Jerk."

"Hm. Said the King who's thrown a spoon at one of his royal advisers." 

"Who said you'd be my adviser?" At this, Tsukishima cocks his eyebrows up, and they piston upwards from shock. Kageyama never goes along with this 'king' game, rather, he either takes it too seriously or just responds impulsively with a half-hearted shout. 

Tsukishima just smirks. "Who else would make sure the King isn't alone?" It's only when those words curled snidely off of his tongue, does he understand how odd and caring it could be interpreted as. Kageyama gives him the odd look from before, once more.

"I guess so."

And now, it's Tsukishima's turn to make a strange expression in response, one that includes a sudden flush of heat that warms near his cheekbones, and a theatric scoff.


	6. :^)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> yall love me.
> 
> just gonna remind you that.
> 
>  
> 
> Don't worry nobody died.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kageyama cant do mario kart.
> 
> or moms. :^)

"Wait. You guys are actually bad at this. Like, really bad at this." Akiterua gapes, looking more incredulous and perhaps impressed, than scared. 

Well, Tsukishima on the other hand, isn't gonna lie and say he is quite scared by their feat.

So far, they nearly blended a metal spoon into the whipped cream, Kageyama actually severed his fingernail ergo slicing deep into his finger with a knife while attempting to chop strawberries, [and Kageyama, who never actually injured his finger since he's a volleyball player isn't supposed to, practically panicked, and Akitera had to pin him down, convince him he's not gonna die and can continue playing volleyball, as Tsukishima placed a dinosaur Band-Aid over the thing and hoped it didn't continue bleeding] and more than once Kageyama threatened to stab Tsukishim after realizing that Akiteru is too used to death threats from his own brother so he's used to hearing these things.

And the oven is smoking.

_There goes the fire alarm._

Akiterua thankfully decided to take care of the oven when he realized Kageyama's solution for a smoking oven, is to fucking dump water into the oven itself.

"Thanks." Tsukishima answers to his brother's compliment, his voice flat-lining with his expression, and Akiteru just beams to the side, though if Tsukishima's not wrong, he seems ashen and perhaps just a tad bit stressed. _Ha_. "Anyways, Kageyama what the hell are you doing? Are you an idiot?"

"What?" Kageyama whips around, glowering at Tsukishima, as he pauses his activity. Tsukishima scowls, and leaning over his shoulder, rereads the instruction for their strawberry shortcake off of the tablet in his hands. 

"You're supposed to fold in the egg whites, not stir." Tsukishima explains patiently. Or at least, his voice sounds patient but in reality he's dead inside therefore there's no such thing as tempo or actually liveliness in his voice that'd convey any sort of emotional change. "Of course, the King is incapable of following instructions. How else would he give instructions to his troops, then?" He utters acerbically. "Besides. I'm just impressed he can _read_." He returns to beating the butter with a fork. Apparently, since they lack an actual beater, they decided to use a whisk or a fork for everything. Meaning that Tsukishima forced Kageyama to beat eggs into stiff peaks using just a whisk, and the poor boy actually took the challenge for some reason, and had to whisk for ten minutes straight with Tsukishima making snide comments on how he's 'slowing down' every time he attempts to rest his arm.

"Fold? How the fuck do I fold wet eggs?"

"Did you just call them 'wet eggs'?"

"Guys, please just leave the kitchen unscathed." Akiteru chirrups from the corner. Yep. Definitely stressed. "And also, fun fact, I'm banning you two from the kitchen. Instead, both of you, go outside and play." Akiteru's smile is taunt across his ashen visage, his eyes crinkling in an indication to his fake smile. "Now."

* * *

"Idiot, you got us banned from my own house." Tsukishima clicks his tongue.

"Pfft. I'm not the one lame enough to be banned from my own house." Kageyama utters. He then stiffens. His parents won't ban him, he knows. His mother needs his help around the house. And his father, well, his father's a good man. Was a good man. Something that Kageyama notices most often, is that really, his mother's a lot like other females he's encountered. Perhaps it is common for females to hit men? He's always noticed how Kiyiko whacked Tanaka with her clipboard. But there was something different between his mom and Kiyiko, along with the situation and atmosphere. But either way, he's never kicked out of his own house, he just willingly leaves for temporary amounts of time.

Tsukishima is peering at him over his lenses. Did Kageyama daze off again? Kageyama fixates a scowl in response, knowing that it's a common guest upon his face, and the taller boy, probably relieved by one of his most normal responses, snorts as he crouches down to grab a volleyball sitting on his porch. "Right, my mom will be coming home early tonight." Kageyama defensively irons out his spine. His parents refuse to let him invite people over. He just always assumed it's because it's not courteous for others to see how their family really functions. Maybe arguing and fighting was always a private manner?

So why is Tsukishima giving him a leeway into peering into his life?

They're not remotely close in any manner.

"Okay." Kageyama states. "Here, give me the ball. I'll help you practice blocking."

"No, King. I personally think you're the one who needs help, shorty." Kageyama figures that if it was Hinata and not Tsukishima who said that, he wouldn't hesitate to pound his face in with the ball in his hands. Rather, he just settles for flipping him off. "Vulgar." Tsukishima sniffs in response with an aura of smugness, his nose crinkling. 

This time, Kageyama slams the ball against Tsukishima.

* * *

Kageyama is easily flustered.

Therefore Tsukishima takes it as his favorite activity to make him go as red as possible, until the image of the crimson King remains imprinted in his mind as a normal sight for him.

He's not really sure what's so appealing about seeing Kageyama blush. Objectively, he supposes it's cute, but other than that, he finds no reason as to why, himself, personally, would strive for such a dumb goal.

Kageyama also sucks at Mario Cart.

He rarely plays Mario Cart with Yamaguchi, since Mario Cart is known to break friendships, hearts, and sanity: all three something he can't afford to lose more of already. The said three are already draining away each time he enters volleyball practice and remotely comes in contact with Hinata or the Baldie and Nishinoya. "Careful King. You've already lost your throne many times." Tsukishima snickers, and at this, Kageyama glares at him, by this point, giving up on finding retorts. 

The atmosphere between them, for once, lacks any tension. It's slack and comfortable. Cozy, even. Something that Tsukishima only experienced when he was a child. When he was innocent and constantly clung onto Akiteru, who was once his sense of protection and honesty where he can place his pride in without question, and if there's another time he ever felt the same way, it's anytime he's withYamaguchi. 

So to have such an intimate feeling with the King?

Now this is strange.

They also haven't actually argued within the hours they've been lounging around each other.

Tsukishima even helped the kid to the bathroom in a hospital that he was basically stuck in since he didn't have a ride, which must count for  _something_ in their once-unnamed relationship.

Staring at Kageyama, who's currently being reassured by Akiteru for his defeat and with his face planted in a pillow, Tsukishima must say, he may not hate this boy in total.

And then, a chime echoes through the house merrily. 

"Ah, mom must be home." Akiteru comments offhandedly.

And just like that, the atmosphere that Tsukishima secretly relished in-dissipated. Kageyama's stiffly upright, his spine ironed out just like his expression, as his usually glittering eyes dulls within seconds. He's never witnessed this face on Kageyama. Yes, he's coerced many looks out of the King, most of them just various looks of annoyance and hatred- but he would've thought he could've pulled out something like this. Something that resembles indifference, listlessness, fatigue. Not lethargic, something that Tsukishima's seen many times when he tutored Hinata and Kageyama, but rather, one that's like of a soldier underneath the rule of some deadly, bloody monarchy. Someone who's practiced a look of absolute indifference, of detachment from reality, that by this point, he's so used to wearing this look, that he's tired of it.

And for a moment, he looked royal. A murderous king of some video game he's encountered, where the king, due to some tragic pass, went mad with his power and lost any sense of stability as he was locked away alone.

Kageyama had that expression.

Tsukishima's able to define it this way, able to identify it within seconds of looking, because Tsukishima constantly wore this same countenance around his brother after what happened with losing faith in his hero whatnot. Yeah that time. But this is like. Kageyama. Who's barely able to not wear a resting-bitch face half the time so wearing one so lifeless is rather a feat for Kageyama, he would consider.

"Um. Kageyama?" Akiteru chuckles hesitantly, clearly unsure of he's awkwardly-laughing at an appropriate time, and he glances at Tsukishima, who shrugs, also unsure what caused the sudden shift in attitude. "Is this over Mario Kart?" Akiteru whispers awkwardly. Tsukishima just mouths 'I don't know'. 

Tsukishima, however, isn't dumb. Unlike Kageyama, he's quite aware of social cues and he's able to piece together things, especially after feeling slightly biased that day at the hospital when Kageyama's parents didn't bother showing up. Kageyama always tensed up whenever it came to his home situation, and especially whenever Tsukishima mentioned his mother. It's definitely not enough to go on, but a mortifying theory is starting to brew, and at this thought, Tsukishima feels as if he's submerged in a puddle made from melting glaciers, as numbness crawls through his veins.

_Kageyama being treated badly at home-maybe not physically, but perhaps just neglect, would cause definite problems in social behaviors, cues, and understandings._

_Kageyama definitely broached upon all three judging by his previous, King of the Court attitude, and it wouldn't be weird to think he was isolated as a child either._

_Maybe it's just neglect. Parental neglect, would perfectly explain these things._

But then there are the injuries, the bruises Kageyama adorns whenever he appears during practice, including multiple shiners that by this point, they're not even concerned and rather, label Kageyama as an overachiever since he claims he got all of them from volleyball practice with such an innocent and humble expression, which was made believable, considering how much of a volleyball freak he is.

And then there's the hospital injury.  _A volleyball doesn't create a gash in the arm, Tsukishima. Maybe you're overthinking things, but then again, maybe you're not._

And there's volleyball in general. As a kid, even if they loved something, they'd play it with friends. They'd have better things to do.

Unless if they threw their entire life into something because it was all they had.

And Tsukishima is aware this is a slight stretch, but perhaps-just maybe, Kageyama reached out to volleyball because he litearlly had nothing else going for him. No friends, no support, no  _parental love_.

Tsukishima is well aware he could just be theatric and over-evaluating things, but still, his intuition is screaming otherwise, and as he hears the front door creak open, and the smallest bit of emotion flicker through Kageyama's unwavering eyes-

He's almost entirely convinced.

Because the emotion that he caught a glimpse of that quickly flitted through the boy's dull retinas,

Was another emotion Tsukishima was well acquainted with through insecurities and hatred of the unknown.

 _Fear_.

* * *

Tsukishima's mother is surprisingly....tame. She doesn't raise her voice, is constantly smiling, and upholds an aura of flowers, sunshines, and Hinatas, but much more mature and neutral. Lacks chaos, basically. Kageyama easily assumes it's because he's around, that's why she's so nice. 

But he's waiting. He's not stupid. Something's going to happen. And he's going to witness it.  _Mothers hit children for punishment_. Indicating that Kageyama must be his very best if he wants to avoid causing the Tsukishima brothers, trouble. And though his palms are clammy and he knows not to smile, since that's a sign of vulnerability or mockery in his household whenever he does it in front of his parents, he sees Tsukishima wearing his normal douche smirk. Which is surprising, and a bit concerning. 

Is Tsukishima's mom just lax with the rules? 

Emotion, any sort of emotion shown on your face, Kageyama has learned, is weakness. His parents automatically picked out how to make him cry as they sadistically observed his reactions, and while he knows that the less feelings, the more insouciant he seems, which his parents take as disrespect, arrogance and retaliation, he still knows those beatings are worth more than them knowing valuable information on how to get into his head.

 _Ah_. 

Too caught up in his thought, that he skid off Rainbow Road. 

This is his first time playing video games. The only other games he plays are at Hinata's house, but they always play board games so that Natsu feels included.

His parents didn't approve of video games.

"King, you suck at this." Tsukishima snorts, and Kageyama, flustered, turns to Tsukishima, sputtering incoherable words that doesn't string into any intelligent insult. "Pfft, is the King that dumb that he's unable to talk real words?" He laughs, and his smirk widens as Kageyama inevitably pouts in defeat, unsure how to reply. "Dumbass." He whispers, lowering his voice so that his mother, who's humming in the kitchen, doesn't hear. 

_So that his mother doesn't hear._

Kageyama spent years alone, knowing how to construct his facial features to flatten out. This is the first time he's cracked it unconsciously, by  _Tsukishima Kei_ out of all people, for the dumbest reason: feeling insulted so he tried to respond. It's just a habit to automatically reply to Tsukishima. 

This isn't good.

Kageyama feels guilty, knowing he's going to get Tsukishima and himself in trouble if he continues allowing leeway through his facial expressions. Maybe Tsukishima-san is like Hinata's mother, who is surprisingly relax with rules? How strange. There are a lot more people like this, he's coming to realize, unlike the ones his parents are. 

* * *

 

Tsukishima finds himself creepily observing Kageyama's every little reaction.

Well, then again-

It's not like he even has to try, since Kageyama is being rather  _obvious_ about his mood change, but Tsukishima supposes his mother wouldn't notice Kageyama's sudden deadness since it's not like she ever knew his actual personality, or met him before. Which is rather unfortunate, since then she'd know that she should be doing something to ease him up, rather than accepting Kageyama's one-worded answer, lack of enthusiasm as his normal behavior. She's probably associating him as Kenma 2.0 [she's met Kenma once after visiting a match between their teams once more, and dragging Akiteru along, who actually ended up sitting with Saeko. That was a weird day that he does not want to ever repeat].

"Kageyama, does  _yakitori_ sound okay for tonight? Or would you rather have the original miso soup and rice for dinner?"  _Ah, so he's staying for dinner now._ Tsukishima doesn't dwell on this fact, of him not being as annoyed on the King staying over for so long, and definitely overstaying his welcome, as he'd usually would maybe just a couple weeks ago.

"Either is fine, Tsukishima-san." Kageyama answers politely, yet, Tsukishima, after months of hearing the sound of indignation, anger, joyfulness that never fails to irritate him-he can tell that Kageyama's voice sounds mechanical. As if programmed out of habit, that Kageyama really isn't there. Just hiding underneath a mask he built and puts up as a defensive barrack, without really being conscious of it, since he's so used to doing this sort of stuff. 

Tsukishima really doesn't like where this is all pointing to.

"Oh, you're really polite, Kageyama-kun."  _Ah....she brought out the child-endearing honorific since my mom's way too nice by trying to make him feel included in our family despite knowing him for like....ten minutes....and it's probably making things worse_ \- a loo of thoughts bitterly simmer in Tsukishima's mind. Kageyama's expression has yet to falter, but, Tsukishima notes the sudden suction of his neck as he tenses once more.

Damn he's always tense. 

It's making Tsukishima feel uncomfortable.

And that thought itself makes  _him_ uncomfortable, since it's placing him in this predicament where he's feeling rather offended he's actually being  _concerned_ for the King, and yet, at the same time wanting to not be an inconsiderate asshole, which is hard since that's basically his life's work he's putting behind him. However, he didn't feel a powerful urge to actually confront Kageyama. It's not like he's scared [that's only a minor problem in complete honesty, even though it's definitely there], but the thing is, considering how much he clearly has yet to learn about the King, Tsukishima can no longer decipher how he might react.

Kageyama is naive, oblivious. 

Which would lead to a lot of doubts, overthinking, and false and quick conclusions without confirmation since he's too dumb to do it himself, if Tsukishima simply tells him that 'he knows'. Kageyama might start wondering if other people noticed, if his parents figured out others knew, etc.

Or would Kageyama actually know? He's grown up hiding this after all.

Tsukishima remembers when he assumed the King followed the normal, simple blockhead stereotype of a jock. All brawn, no brains. In a way that Tsukishima could figure exactly what to say to provoke him, to shove him over the edge with a brutal lunge of his arms. He remembered when he didn't even care about Kageyama. He just simply wasn't complex enough for Tsukishima to care about. Of course, when Kageyama's character developed along with his maturity, social identity and understanding of others, Tsukishima had to give him credit for that, even though he was slow as fuck for his age.

But now, he has an explanation as to why, he may have had a slow start onto why he's like this.

Now, Tsukishima has a story. A backstory that reveals that Kageyama has reasons for being like this, not just because he's an airhead who chose this life of ignorance for the sake of some sport rather than his fucking integrity. And damn, is it making Tsukishima feel kinda like a jerk for all those times he held snide, condescending conversations about the King. Of course, he doesn't regret teasing the King.

That's pretty fun.

But this is different.

And then there's the thing that Kageyama probably is still being abused to this day.

Tsukishima, lost in his thoughts, barely processed the loud, ceramic shatter that reeled him back into reality.

Rounding to the source of the loud smash, he halts, frigid. 

His mother, her hands, palm out and open, one hand hesitantly stretched out to Kageyama. Smithereens and fragments of jagged ceramic littered on the floor between them, becoming a bedding for the skewers of  _yakitori_ laying unedible on the shards. And Kageyama himself, his facade broken, revealing wild eyes, shrunken pupils, agape mouth releasing rhythmic, yet rapid and contorted pants, his polite and firm posture now trembling and hunched, his cold visage now flushed.

Kageyama takes a step back.

Sensing his next possible movements, Tsukishima quickly scampers up, running to reach to Kageyama, but since he had to dodge the garden of ceramics, Kageyama took advantage of the lost time, and ran out the front door:

leaving Tsukishima standing next to a mess of shards next to him, his mother with a horrified expression, and Akiteru jumping off the couch and running towards the open door.

Tsukishima follows.

 


	7. hfsajdl'

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> YALL I UPDATED

"You okay there?" Nodding, Kageyama accepts the coffee slid across the counter, as the cashier from the side hesitantly looks back at him once more while he heads to the side of the obscured cafe.

Kageyama has never been here, therefore he supposes he scared its entire staff when he slammed their glass door open, his presence being introduced more by the whack of the door than the tiny bell jingling above it.

It's a nice coffee shop.

Shame that he probably can't ever show his face around here ever again without being embarrassed since most definitely the entire staff will recall him as that one guy who appeared hiccuping and sobbing, choking out an order while he ignores the fact that it's fifteen degrees Celsius outside and yet he's barefoot, with his entire face is snotty and puffy from tears of panic. 

At least they're nice about it.

He snorts as notices on his receipt, someone, probably the nice guy who made his coffee, scrawled a smiley face across his order with a Sharpie. He also received a muffin from the grumpy janitor who walked by his table, claiming his friends said it was 'on them' and that it was a special 'deal', when he's pretty sure it was paid for by pity. Even the janitor's sharp gaze seemingly softened at the sight of him. He accepted the muffin anyways since he unceremoniously ran out just before dinner and because judging by the hovering guy who was operating the coffee machines, they might try and conduct a therapy session with him if he declines and returns the muffin.

He doesn't even like coffee.

The fuck.

However, he felt too awkward to not order something after abruptly crashing their quaint coffee shop and disrupting the only pair of costumers in the corner (he's too humiliated to glance at them anymore to see who they are), so he ordered the only thing he could think of, which is black coffee. Sighing, he shudders in his booth (he also feels like an asshole for occupying a booth when he's only one person, but he attempts to excuse his behavior since he's already done worse, and there aren't any other customers anyways) and envelopes the mug with his hands in an attempt to warm himself up after running outside for maybe five minutes. 

Hissing, he also realizes the only place he can return to is home.

At home, it's normal.

Neutral ground.

Humiliation at home is surely better than at the Tsukishimas', since at least at home he's accustomed to it. Accustomed to the silent yet accusatory glances sent to him, and to the constant neglect of social interactions between all of them. And at school, he supposes it'll also return to that with Tsukishima himself. 

However, if he returns to the Tsukishimas, he'll only be disgraced farther by Tsukishima (the asshole one), since their relationship wasn't necessarily stable in the beginning. He supposes he owes his mother an apology though. He just doesn't want to be confronted by a certain glasses-wearing dickhead who has actually been quite civil and sympathetic towards him, and  _Kageyama_ has been the real asshole. 

And at that self-analysis, his knuckles flush red as he grips the scalding mug even tighter, the temperature doing nothing to shake him out of his sudden panic.

God. He's so stupid. Treating Tsukishima like that when their relationship was actually progressing to something he didn't mind, that he actually would miss if it left.

Kageyama certainly didn't necessarily like Tsukishima a month ago. They were, to an extent, friends at that time. As first-years, he sat with the rest of his grade from volleyball club during lunch and break, since he didn't make friends outside of the group since he spent most of his classes sleeping rather than socializing. And Yamaguchi, Yachi, and Hinata got along splendidly well, and even Tsukishima and Yachi were at a point where Tsukishima taunted her and Yachi flushed as she mothered all of them.

Kageyama found certain peace with Yachi as well. Yamaguchi often was the one to bandage his mistakes with others as well, such as whenever he unconsciously made a mistake and offended someone else. Yamaguchi was also the one to fetch a waterbottle or towel for him during gym, when it's typically Sugawara or Ennoshita who did such things.

But he and Tsukishima, they weren't ever really friendly. Rather, it was as if they were constantly trapped on the first level of acquaintances with each other, unable to progress. They were still in the stage where Tsukishima mocked him, and he's unable to ever settle well with it, and rather found himself retorting back nastily. And it wasn't the type of teasing he enjoyed due to traditions, such as with Hinata, who he often snaps at as Hinata gripes back.

It's competitive, and left his heart stuttering from frustration and his anger flushing. He doesn't like it. It only offers discomfort. Their constant bickering made him feel as if Tsukishima really did find him inferior. Only sometimes did he delusion himself to consider it enjoyable, and that's only because he was desperate to find any sort of interaction between them as evidence for them to be considered friends.

And then, Tsukishima extended sympathies and care for him throughout this month.

And Kageyama repaid him with disgracing him in front of his mother. 

And then, as he subconsciously unwrap the plastic around his muffin, he starts, tearing the entire pastry in half, as he realizes the consequences of his actions. He probably left Tsukishima with his mother. And when mothers get angry, it results to punishments _._ And Kageyama just left Tsukishima to deal with what should be his inevitable conclusion.

* * *

"Where did the boy who came in crying go?" Pidge starts, blinking rapidly as if the image of the empty booth to the left of their antique coffee shop was just contorted imagination. Readjusting her glasses, she shuts the cash register. "Did he go to the bathroom?"

Clicking his tongue, Lance automatically, almost by instinct, flushes out the stains of smoothie out of the giant plastic container he removed from the blender. "Not the bathroom, would've saw him. Hope he's okay though." He grimaces. "Did you see his feet? They were bleeding." Pidge's countenance expresses the idea that she wasn't aware of that. "I know right, he looked like a wreck. And his arm had bandages too. Looked like shit. He had Hunk's muffin though, so he'll be fine." He jokingly concludes, though Pidge can detect the underlying concern as he fixes the clean container back onto the blender and wipes it dry.

"Uh, no he didn't." Keith scoffs, returning with a broom tucked underneath his arm, revealing an uneaten muffin, and full cup of chilled coffee in his hands. "Didn't even eat the free muffin." He scowls, clearly miffed and indirectly offended. "Allura hates wasting food. Can we just shove it back into the display case-"

"Keith no." Pidge titters. "Give it to Coran during break, he'll never know." She slyly smiles. "Hope he comes back though."

"Why? So you can blackmail him into actually keeping this cafe alive by buying stuff from here by reminding him of appearing that one day crying?"

"Not until he's comfortable with."

"Cruel."

* * *

Tsukishima groans, as he wanders about, at lost about where to go. Unfortunately, they live quite close to a downtown, therefore there are multiple tiny shops, restaurants and cafes that Kageyama could've ducked into. Shivering, he silently curses that boy to death, despite his increasing concern as he figures that Kageyama is probably in a colder state than he is, since he at least wasn't an idiot and flung on a hoodie before rushing out. 

But he has longer legs than that dumbass, so surely, Kageyama couldn't end up that far?

"Excuse me-" A breathy voice behind him is quickly stunted as Tsukishima sharply intakes the cold air as he's almost shoved to the side, but only pushed forward. The heaving weight against his back sends him tumbling down, as he catches himself by planting the palms of his hand against the cold sidewalk. "Oh. Tsukishima!"

"The fuck-"

"Sorry-"

Tsukishima twists uneloquently around, skittering until his elbows are uncomfortably perched against the jagged sidewalk, to see Kageyama who was behind him, now crouching down on his knees and peering at him worriedly.

God if Tsukishima wasn't already looking for him, and if Kageyama clearly didn't look shittier than he usually does, he honestly would've planted his 12-sized shoe against his face.

"Tsukishima!"

"You shouted my name twice already. That's two times too many." He groans, slightly disorientated as relief from finding Kageyama quickly transforms into fatigue from the cold and the sudden and unwanted event of adrenaline and excitement today. Crawling ungracefully onto his feet, he peers down at Kageyama, ready to scold, shout, and probably lash out at the boy, until he notes the quivering eyes and grimace.

Now, Kageyama is not a crier. If he is, Tsukishima supposes he'd cry out of frustration, the same way that most women and men would react when they're irritated and stressed. But, really, Kageyama looks very, very close to crying, and probably not because of any of those reasons, and Tsukishima is suddenly uncomfortable. It's not that he finds crying a form of vulnerability or weakness like most does, but since it's labeled as such by society, he's unsure if Kageyama would want him around. And, he's just very bad at comforting others.

Yamaguchi is an exception, but that's because he's already lounged around the kid enough to understand that Yamaguchi tends to cry when he's irritated and mad, and he himself can comprehend enough to know that he just has to calm down Yamaguchi for the tension to pass. Usually with ice cream.

He doesn't have ice cream right now though.

"Yes?" Tsukishima sighs, as he banishes his pride at the moment to try and not sound nonchalant or uncaring for its sake. "What's wrong?" He questions, successfully not allowing his distinct condescending tone to ruin his words.

"Are you okay?"

Tsukishima considers kicking Kageyama.

 _"Me?"_ He echoes, and Kageyama grasps onto his elbow, which he instinctively recoils, and Kageyama winces and releases. Tsukishima regrets his actions as he misses the reassuring anchor of that grip, before disregarding such a thought that has such confusing origins. "You're the one who ran out." He flatly states, and Kageyama scoffs, which coaxes the normality of their conversations to return, and rejuvenates his confidence as well due to its return. "And you must be freezing. Idiot." He inhales sharply through his clenched teeth, as he scuffs Kageyama in the head, which results in Kageyama being the one to duck.

He hand stalls over Kageyama's head, realizing what he was going to do.

And remembering what he realized earlier.

"Hey." Tsukishima tugs the boy closer to him in gesture for both of them to start walking back to his house, since they're awkwardly stopping in the middle of the sidewalk with pedestrians reluctantly steering around them. "Is everything okay at your house?" He asks, and Kageyama squirms in his grip, and Tsukishima would've released the boy since he himself wasn't particular in physical contact, and he respects others' boundaries, but right now he can't have Kageyama running away. "You don't have to admit it. Just. Know that-"

"What do you mean?"

Tsukishima stares incredulously at the boy who resembles a hobo and is crushed against his side. Is his question not self-explanatory and cliche enough? "Like...you're not being abused?" Though words and speech are Tsukishima's number-one defense and where his confidence and ego settles in, he cannot find a way to delicately explain his words.

"Um...abused like being hit?"

Tsukishima has no idea what the fuck is going on right now, especially since Kageyama genuinely sounds concerned and unsure.

"I mean. Yeah? You do know what 'abusive' means, right?"

"I know. But like it seems like a strange question to ask when it's a normal thing?"

Tsukishima nearly tosses the kid onto the oncoming traffic.  _"Excuse me?"_

"That's why I came back to find you? Because I'm sorry I caused trouble in your household, and I'll tell your mom it was my fault not yours, so you don't get punished."

And as Tsukishima recognizes and finally fathoms the situation, the pity he felt for the oblivious boy next to him, expands and crushes his windpipe. 

And horrified, he realizes, he's crying. And then he laughs. He can't stop the compulsive and breathy laughs punching its way out his mouth. 

"Tsukishima-!"

"Shut up. Shut up you  _fucking innocent asshole._ " Tsukishima wheezes, bitterness intertwining with a chuckle that forces itself between his leering lips. "Kageyama, I cannot fucking believe you. Not all houses have abusive parents."

"I know. Hinata's household doesn't." And now, Kageyama is sounded oddly defensive, his shoulder hunched and his eyes narrowed skeptically at Tsukishima. "Maybe your family doesn't either. But you don't have to make fun of mine just because my family does." He scornfully sneers, his worry melting as frustration crosses his features. "And to think, I was worried for you. Seriously, I thought that you weren't that much of an  _asshole_ but you're just fucking laughing at me for having abusive parents!"

"No, Kageyama!" He's practically shrieking, as he clenches him even tighter against his hip. "You don't get it!" He clasps his hands onto Kageyama's shoulders, as he whirls around, pinning him straight against the bakery they stop by, ignoring all the citizens who are awkwardly clambering around them. "This isn't normal! Abusive-" he lowers the volume of his rant. "Parents are not normal! None of this is normal!" And seeing the growing frustration and obvious embarrassment splotching Kageyama's frowning visage in the hue of pink, he continues, towering over the boy as he tightens his knuckles. "Kageyama! I'm not making fun of you for 'having a certain' family, what I am doing, is telling you that your parents are not good people, and that abusive parents aren't normal in society even though they're everywhere. Like thieves. Thieves are everywhere but they're not considered as 'a normal type of people' in society! Kageyama Tobio, you motherfucking idiot! I'm laughing because it's so sad, you didn't know, you didn't know having abusive parents isn't something that should be normal! God you fucking dumbass you deserve so much more, and yet you're stuck with this sort of family."

And Tsukishima breaks away from Kageyama, his hands coming up to cover his mouth as wheezing laughs escape his crooked grin, as he attempts to continue walking home. 

Because it's just that hilarious.

_It's fucking hilarious how dumb the King really is, how life played a fool like him with such unfair judgement-_

And as he hunches over, coughs escaping his raw throat, he notes the sudden heat pooling over his eyes, blurring his vision, and tracing his jaw.

"Tsukishima..."

And Tsukishima turns around, unable to hide the sobs behind his stuttered laughs anymore, as he hugs the boy tightly, tears tracking his cheeks and rendering his glasses useless.

And Tsukishima feels the wracking body underneath his, as pitiful sobs are muffled into his sweater.

 

 

 

 

 

Their tears warm them despite the cold around them.

* * *

"Do you have anymore?"

"No." Kageyama whispers.

Tsukishima can detect a lie. Especially one from a fool like Kageyama. However, he figures that he won't press him to fully undress or take off his shirt if he really doesn't feel comfortable doing so. Instead, he just plants another bandage across the gash underneath Kageyama's thigh since he finished disinfecting it. "You can stay here tonight." And he waits, not wanting to mention Kageyama's parents since whenever he does, it just brings tension and unwanted pressure for a conversation about the said parents. 

But Kageyama, for once, seemingly understands the unspoken question, and whispers, "my parents won't care." ' _My parents don't care about me.'_ Is what Tsukishima decodes. 

"Okay. Mom also brought this up earlier when you were in the shower." Tsukishima reaches over and hands the bowl and pair of chopsticks to Kageyama. "It's only fried rice, you can get more downstairs if you want." Tsukishima smartly decides to not mention that the reason why it was something as plain as fried rice, was because his mom didn't have time to create any other type of food. It'll just make Kageyama embarrassed since he'll certainly think about how they would have something better with more time and effort placed into it, if not for his actions.

Though Kageyama profusely apologized to Tsukishima's mom and she was completely fine with it, reassuring and comforting his consistent 'sorry's, Kageyama won't look her in the eye anymore. Which would be funny, if Tsukishima wasn't aware of why he reacted so strongly towards her. 

"Since tomorrow is a Sunday, I have to go grocery shopping in the morning. So you can just sleep in-"

"No I'll come." Kageyama blurts out.

And Tsukishima, ready to deter his enthusiasm since grocery shopping is pretty boring, and he has to walk to the store as well, stops as he observes Kageyama's puckered eyebrows and obvious disdain to the option of staying home. It dawns onto him, that Kageyama only feels comfortable with him around. He doesn't want to be left alone in a household with his mother and brother. And Kageyama wasn't social in the first place either, and is probably nervous of messing something up. Taking pity on the boy, he sighs, and rolls his eyes. "Fine. You can come with."

He turns around as he feels a smile stretching across his face at Kageyama's sudden flip of expression seemingly brightens the atmosphere.


	8. weiahblgf

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> oh.
> 
> You have fun interpreting whether Kageyama's mom is a bad person.
> 
>  
> 
> Also im sorry this chapter is so boring the fuck.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I reread the previous chapters of this fic
> 
> and i apologize for their quality like shit I clearly got confused with how Kageyama works like how did i even write him I can't-
> 
> Also I compeltely forgot about the dog and the title and the summary.
> 
> And I"m probably gonna change the summary too because i literally tossed in a shitty title since i couldn't think of one, and made up a summary to go with it.
> 
> Like i literally called it 'strawberies' because i couldn't think of a name.
> 
> And then i realized i speleld strawberries wrong.
> 
> so i tried to change the summary to justify my wrong spelling rather than fixing teh actual title (not sure where my thinking was going with that.)  
>  
> 
> Also
> 
> nEt nEUTRaLity :^)
> 
> Why is this happening to me.

_It's not like she hates me._  

And she doesn't.

Kageyama doesn't know how to explain it. Of course, when Tsukishima practically decided to pull a 'you're full of bullshit and I'm going to prove you wrong' move (one that Kageyama has been on the receiving end of many, many times), in a way, he felt relieved, something he should be ashamed of. He felt happy when Tsukishima gave him a reason as to _why_ his mother was wrong, why her hitting him, his father ignoring him, was socially unacceptable and  _wrong_. But Kageyama knows better than that. So now, instead of being mad, of being simply angry and  _tired_ of his parents' behaviors, now he has this glorified reasoning from Tsukishima, that only made it worse, because while he knows every problem within his family does not justify his parents' actions, now he has to deal with deciding whether or not he should sympathize with them.

It could be worse. 

Tsukishima could've treated him differently- this was a problem he recognized even before he realized society's belief on 'abuse'. And he doesn't believe anything has really changed, or at least, their arguments and bickering remains consistent. 

And he feels awful, the guilt within him expanding to the point where he's unable to simply ignore it as he has when he was younger. (Most of the guilt, spawned from his parents as well- such as him limiting his mother's happiness and instead, plaguing it as she's unable to do the one thing she loves anymore, and his father, who's the one dealing with both of them at once).

Because he's feeling relieved, but the profit of such a feeling is corrupting his parents' names. Because the more that he studies their situation, as well as the reality society Tsukishima resides in, he can completely understand how his family may appear violent, perhaps abusive, and how it illustrate his parents as evil.

He's done that multiple times before, until he was tired of seeing his parents that way. He began refusing to acknowledge the anger of his parents as actually his part of his parents, until they returned to their mute and passive states. He has divided their two main reactions to him as one from his parent (those are nice, peaceful, and though lackluster, he knows that's just how their family worked), and the violent, angry and fragmented ones.

But he doesn't know how to tell Tsukishima his parents  _do_ love him, no matter all their drunken screams, bitter sobs and seething snarls of 'I hate you' they spit at him. (Because doesn't he say the same thing to Hinata, doesn't Tsukishima say the same thing to him?)

He doesn't know how to converse the fact that his parents are just like him- struggling with conveying their emotions (something he's doing right now), and understanding others. Perhaps that's why he's sympathetic to his parents- because he's just the same. Of course, his anger must've come from  _somewhere_. (As well as his social incompetence, which he reluctantly has to confess is true after maturing and glancing back at his old personality that blossomed from the inability to understand how to work with others in middle school. He had lacked empathy and comprehension of how others viewed him, causing their act of christening him 'King of the Court').

His mother screams when she gets angry.

Violent from time to time. 

But doesn't he do that too, even through small and petty things that provoke his pride and blindside him while attacking him? Such as when he yanks Hinata up by the collar, or even that one time he angrily reacted to Tsukishima's tiny taunt and had to literally restrain himself from asphyxiating that jerk in hopes of beating common sense into him? His mind always clouds over as his defense mechanism that spawns physical action overrides any sense of thinking, and that reminds him of his mother. Whose personality is much like his: proud, unable to compliment, apologize, or thank anyone who she believes is inferior even when she tries so hard to view them as equal or higher. 

He can't be mad at someone who's  _just like him_.

And though she's unable to fumble through her words correctly, he knows that she's not a bad person. Maybe a bad  _mom_ , he's starting to think (which isn't hard for him to guiltily admit, since at the moment he's staring at a direct comparison for her as he watches Tsukishima's mother scoops out rice into a bowl for him kindly, and her husband takes steamed egg off of the stove).

Honestly, it's amazing how Tsukishima erupting in front of him while both of them are fucking freezing their asses off at a sidewalk downtown could help him understand.

He used to be paranoid of how his mother would react, and he simply just assumed it was out of fear. But the more he contemplates it (even though right now is really not the time for such thoughts since Akiteru is now dancing by with a wooden spoon and Tsukishima Kei is trying very hard not to soak him with the versatile sink head), the more he's beginning to apprehend the thought that his fear wasn't spawned from hating hurt- it was out of fear of disappointment.

Something that he likes to label as his 'mother' and not the other side of her, is when she glances his way after an eruptive argument, or a one-sided physical reaction from her. The one that he can tell is guilt, because he recognizes it as his typical behavior too, where he stares at someone as he attempts to organize an apology through his cluttered thoughts and mind, only to know it'll be restrained by pride. He's aware of this habit because more than once Hinata chittered that he was 'glaring' and 'scaring freshmen' again. Which is stupid because they  _are_ freshmen, therefore they shouldn't be afraid of someone their own age, when upperclassmen like Daichi exists. 

So he knows that she feels genuine remorse, or else she wouldn't even allow such thoughts of even forming an apology reside in her mind for more than five seconds (they're a proud family).

And he knows that she does act on them, because while it is definitely a negative trait since they're a very physical family (especially when angered), it helps when they cannot communicate and show love through words.

He'd find a bento box on the counter before he goes to school on mornings where he slept off the night before when she's screaming at an indifferent and detached version of Kageyama. He'd open his lunch and find that it's filled with foods he knows his mother. It must be her cooking and not his dad's, since she used to cook dinner for all of them before he grew up and they decided they no longer need to take care of him since he should be independent once he's twelve (oddly enough, he let that sense of responsibility get to his head, which may have affected his attitude and rather self-reliant personality on court back in middle school).

And she's busy. Extremely busy with work and constantly tired and in consequence, extra cranky from it. So for her to even splice her time for him is already a form of self-sacrifice from her pride and sense of independence and belief that he shouldn't need her to baby him, which means a lot to him. It shows that she's  _trying_. That even after she raked her nails that grown out from the stubby blunts from back in her days as a soccer player, that after she is unable to reel back her own anger, her own inability of restraining her emotion, and the consequences that result in her slouching away and slightly drunk, with him retreating to his room in silence as he either collapses from exhaustion or go to the bathroom for a long time, she still remembers and knows that she loves him.

He tried to imply that the other day to Tsukishima while they were in his backyard, trying to play basketball with Akiteru (and both promptly failing. How does someone so tall _not_ have some advantage in basketball?).

Tsukishima got automatically pissed, threw his water bottle at him, called him 'idiot' (again), and said that his mother was a manipulative pigeon fucker (he's learned that Tsukishima only spits out such creative vulgarities in his presence since apparently Kageyama's "parasite killing his brain-cells" is contagious and is what makes Tsukishima say such dumb things) and that he truly is socially incompetent if he's unable to see the cycle of manipulation and abuse between them.

After that, Tsukishima hauled them over to his room, ditching Akiteru, and showed him how to finish basic algebra (which throughout, he made an irritating clicking noise whenever Kageyama's in the middle of a problem and wrote something wrong, but refusing to tell him  _why_ he made such a noise, and preferred observing Kageyama's suffering as he attempted to salvage his problem).

So yeah, he decided that he can't really tell Tsukishima of his own problem without being viciously attacked by water bottles and being told he's stupid.

And though he does believe that Tsukishima is the type to think he's above all of them in the sense of academics and intuition, and he probably really is, it doesn't necessarily mean that Tsukishima can understand everything without Kageyama's experience and understanding, no matter how foolish they may seem.

After all, he did take away a lot from his mother.

Her ability to play soccer, and slowly, it drained out her happiness. She automatically coped by doing her work, going to work, fighting with her coworkers, snarling at anyone who  _dares_ to mock her, and returning home, thoroughly dissed and irritated since she did somehow keep face throughout, and her adopted niceties by that time was replaced with anger that she unjustly lashed at his father and him.

And then she found another way to reprieve her emotions- with alcohol.

Kageyama, though he's quite dense,  _was_ aware that over the years of growing up, his father grew increasingly distant and irritable. He didn't want Kageyama around, and he definitely didn't like want his wife around, the one who snarls and rips another insult through his skin, leaving another laceration that'll soon become another scar like so many others. And he doesn't blame his father.

They just avoid her as much as possible, even though they're consciously aware that they're allowing her to dwelge in loneliness, allowing it to corrupt her with her other unhealthy influences.

Kageyama knew of his actions.

Of abandoning his mother when she felt sad. He just assumed that she'd stop being unhappy. That something would happen.

And then his father left.

_Because I was the one who took away any sort of life out of her, and since mom can't make friends easily and can't communicate easily, she probably felt lonely for a long time._

And even so, that's probably  _the most_ he can even understand. It's the barest understanding. He doesn't have the talent of looking into peoples' emotions, minds, and heart. He's so dense that he wouldn't even  _realize_ that he's dense if others hadn't told him (Hinata and Tsukishima finds it an active hobby of doing so). He doesn't understand how people like Kenma or Akaashi could do that. He's just left as an observer, watching a film in another language without captions, having to just take the shallowest and least observant hints from just the actors' physical actions and settings, while never being able to understand how they felt as they poured their relationship through their words, as they laid out the plot for the audiences' understanding with their mouths, and how they spill out their ideas and understandings out their lips.

He's constantly left behind in those things.

If Tsukishima was willing to listen, and willing to place himself in the situation, he'd probably be able to fully comprehend his mother, how she felt, and how he feels because right now he really doesn't know how to feel. 

"Kageyama-kun?"

Reluctantly, he bookmarks his thoughts, hoping that he won't lose it easily as he usually does, and immerses himself back at the dinner table. "Would you like pork?" Tsukishima's father, who looks just like Kageyama's teammate but with facial hair and an actual smile, nods towards the bowl in the middle of the table.

"Oh, okay. Thank you." He doesn't bother to grin, as he's heard much too many complaints and feedback from Yachi and Hinata whenever he does attempt one, and just nods in the father's direction, before picking up his chopsticks. "Thank you for this meal."

* * *

"Can you not get it through your head?" Tsukishima scoffs unkindly, snagging the twirling pencil out of Kageyama's clenched hand. The other boy glowers darkly at Tsukishima, and him being who's used to Kageyama's irritated response to be loud, brash, and rude, not quiet and unwavering, raises an eyebrow in acknowledgement to it. "Hm? You have nothing to say?" He croons, and at this, Kageyama's eyes lower almost ashamedly. Tsukishima narrows his eyes. He's used to Kageyama fumbling his way through his response, and give up by averting his gaze, and Tsukishima enjoys having such a reaction since well  _of course_ nobody can find a way to trip him up- cutting words and witty responses are practically sixty-percent of his otherwise constantly annoyed personality.

But the way that Kageyama snapped his eyes at him earlier made Tsukishima feel  _bad._ And of course Tsukishima does feel bad for few things he've done before, and guilt isn't unrecognizable by him. But rarely does he ever have to feel remorse for his words, since he's learned control over them and knows how to provoke someone to an extent he can set.  

It's more like he feels bad because Kageyama is annoyed at  _him_. And Tsukishima is used to people basically spitting curses at him considering how much he's an asshole at times, but still. It's as if he doesn't  _want_ Kageyama to be irritated by him, which is strange. He's only ever felt such a need of appeal from Yamaguchi, especially after that eventful night when Yamaguchi literally had enough of his shit (that was iconic, in Tsukishima's opinion).

"What's wrong?"

"I think I should go home." Kageyama admits so quickly, his tone straightforward and blunt in his usual style. Tsukishima sits back onto his knees. No wonder Kageyama seemed even dumber today. Usually he'd be able to get past the first question of the worksheets Tsukishima printed out for him. "I really enjoy staying here, it's nice, but I've been intruding in your home for around three days now and I feel bad about that."

"Yamaguchi practically lives in my home twenty-five hours a day and eight days a week." Tsukishima says, and clicks his tongue in a way to dissolve the biting words that he was about to unload onto Kageyama, in hopes he could scare or convince Kageyama into staying. "Trust me, my parents don't care."  _In fact, my mom won't shut up about you since she seems so proud that I have more than one friend._ _So does Akiteru. God, sarcasm must be genetic._  

"I know, I just think I should see my mom again." Kageyama's tone gives Tsukishima the impression that he's wilting, as if he's expecting a negative response. And Tsukishima is very willing to give it, if he didn't already know that actual anger and irritation for Kageyama only hardens him, makes him stubborn and unresponsive to common sense (if he's not like that in general already) and to Tsukishima in general. He should know it, since Tsukishima loves to exploit it to make Kageyama a fool of himself during practice, and Sugawara would typically scold Kageyama more than Tsukishima because of it. 

So, knowing that Kageyama is like, allergic to emotions, Tsukishima has to inhale deeply to make sure he doesn't say something that makes the other break out in fucking hives. He should've known something was up the other day when Kageyama attempted to defend his mother. Abusers tend to be manipulative, and their victims usually succumbs to it- it doesn't help that in general, Kageyama is a dense idiot.

"Or, you could stay here." He mutters, unable to resist bitterness from seeping into his tone. "Your mom hasn't charged us with kidnapping yet, so you can stay longer."

"Until she does charge you guys with kidnapping?"

"Would she?"

Kageyama doesn't reply to this, and Tsukishima, interpreting this as 'my mother wouldn't care', accepts this argument as over. 

He didn't expect another response.

"I'm going home tomorrow. Thank you for letting me stay."

* * *

Tsukishima doesn't have a say in this, and he has no right to believe that because of his different beliefs on his mother, has the right to create the best decisions. Even though his decision is clearly the best in such a situation. So he can't get really stop Kageyama from leaving, even though he's usually 100% up for that idea in school.

"I actually enjoyed you. You weren't as annoying as I thought." Kageyama grumbles as he steps outside of Tsukishima's house, standing on the doorstep, making him even smaller if possible. For a split second, Tsukishima considers mocking Kageyama over it, but decides he'll just do that tomorrow in school.

"Wow. I've been complimented by the King. You're an idiot, but yeah I don't mind you that much either."

And as Kageyama makes a face at that, Tsukishima swings the door shut on it (because damn if he wasn't going to at least get the satisfaction shutting the door in the King's face). He turns around, his body on autopilot as his directs himself to his room. It's not like he's going to never see Kageyama again- they have volleyball tomorrow. But volleyball is at the end of the day, and since Kageyama is an idiot, they don't share any classes together, which is oddly disheartening. Of course, he never felt such a need for surveillance for anyone, or even _want_ to be around someone, even for Yamaguchi, but Kageyama is a given considering his family situation. He always wanted to be around others even if he does enjoy privacy and seclusion.

It's human nature to want others. He doesn't have to necessarily be nice to them, but he does enjoy and sometimes when he's bored, wants to be around his team (even Tanaka, surprisingly.)

But he supposes he's worried as well, for Kageyama.

Tsukishima had many concerns, most of them revolving around whether Kageyama's parents would be angered by their son disappearing for three days, but almost an entire week if they count the hospitalization over something as dumb as a fever.

Ready to lock himself in his room as usual, Tsukishima's stopped by a blob of fur, and nearly trips and died up the stairs.  _Great._

"Ichigo. Stop." Tsukishima hisses, his bony hip shivering in pain from slamming against the steps. 

At the sound of his name, the burly dog clumsily lifts his head up from his paws, whining.

Tsukishima exhales slightly.

Ichigo is waiting for Kageyama, believing that they were probably leaving for school even though it's a Sunday, and waiting for his return. At this, Tsukishima can't really blame Ichigo for sitting at such an inconvenient area. After all, he seems equally confused at Tsukishima's appearance, probably knowing enough that when Kageyama is gone, so is Tsukishima. "You know he's not coming back for a while." Tsukishima informs, as he attempts to step over Ichigo, before the damn dog actually  _stood_ , and Tsukishima had to retreat unless if he wants to tip over and snap his neck by being knocked over.

Whining, Ichigo (asshole) sits upright on the steps, clearly distressed that Tsukishima is currently  _here_ even though Kageyama left, something against Ichigo's set schedule. Ichigo used to do this with Yamaguchi, whose days here could blur into weeks, before realizing that Yamaguchi is inconsistent and would randomly appear and disappear, and it's not always set. Tsukishima has also noted how Yamaguchi's absence in this household lasted suspiciously around the length of time Kageyama was here.

God, when he does see Yamaguchi alone the next time his damn best friend will probably start mirthlessly teasing him the same way his brother does. But it's worse because they both see Kageyama, and Yamaguchi actually talks and occasionally hangs out with that dumbass, and is well aware of how strained their relationship is. He'll just use that against him, mocking him for befriending the enemy, and having 'different feelings hidden away for Kageyama' by comparing how he treats Kageyama like a decent human being in comparison to him showing him up as scum to others. 

"Don't worry. It's a Sunday. And Kageyama isn't going to school, he's going home." Tsukishima spits out the last word scornfully, feeling slightly guilty as Ichigo lowers his head. Ichigo cannot comprehend what he's saying, but Tsukishima doesn't doubt that he didn't hear the sourness injected into them, the same one that he uses whenever he's frustrated and angry and fighting with his brother when he was younger (Ichigo would stumble out of the room at the sound of the first raised voice) or the one he uses whenever Ichigo decides to leave a present on their carpet.

"I know you're attached to Kageyama." Tsukishima ruffles Ichigo's head. "I guess I kind of am too. I seem to be meeting many dumbasses now. You too." His mind reels as Kuroo and Bokuto's heads appear in his mind, followed by Lev and Oikawa's. 

Ichigo barks, the sound muffled yet undoubtedly loud, and Tsukishima flinches.

He was not prepared for a Saint Bernard at the age of twelve, and he still isn't.

Really, he was always more of a cat person.

Even Kageyama, such a thick-skulled dumbass, had commented such an obvious assumption the second time he saw Ichigo wandering about. And he was absolutely terrified of Ichigo as well.

Which was unquestionably funny, as well. 

There was something satisfying of seeing Kageyama attempt to escape out the kitchen window at the sight of his floppy-eared dog stumbling towards him.

Of course, when he blubbered at Tsukishima for snickering at him, and continued to explain that he assumed Ichigo was going to kill him since animals never approached him because they never liked him, he grew automatically attached to Ichigo. And Ichigo, who's rather selfish about Kageyama's attention after deciding to adopt him as his own, is also emotionally linked with Kageyama. Wherever Kageyama goes, Ichigo follows.

Tsukishima was sort of becoming like that too. 

Of course, he does that to make sure Kageyama doesn't do something stupid.

_Is this what Yamaguchi does with me? It's tiring following someone as idiotic as Kageyama._

"Move over." Tsukishima commands, and finally, his dog relents and shuffles to the side, and Tsukishima pads into his room, shutting the door behind him.

His bed is cleanly made, and the futon Kageyama used is now in his shut closet.

Whenever Yamaguchi stays, there are always leftover drawings they made, or some random underwear or pillow tossed aside from him that he forgotten to take home and never bothered to because he stays here so often. Tsukishima still has the few dinosaurs that he and Yamaguchi played with as kids (all donated from Akiteru, who back then would provide their games with sound effects), sitting on his shelf.

But Kageyama didn't leave anything behind.

_Doesn't matter, I'll see him tomorrow anyways._

Through the rest of the day, Tsukishima finds himself constantly reminding himself that.

* * *

Kageyama wonders if the neighbors had called the police yet.

He wouldn't really question such an act, considering how he's been standing outside in -15 degree Celsius weather for the past twenty minutes wearing only the sweatshirt he will one day return to Tsukishima (embarrassingly, when he stayed over at Tsukishima's, he didn't dare to return home for clothes, and since Tsukishima didn't push, he just opted to wear the clothes the hospital returned to him for two days straight before Tsukishima noticed and was scarred by the fact that Kageyama technically hadn't changed his underwear for the past three days, and forced him to wear his clothes) and pants whose material is chill against his skin.

He knows his mom is home- her car is still in the driveway. His dad is probably home as well. 

_Dad isn't home._

And Kageyama feels the swelling knot of guilt jerking in his stomach at the realization that his dad is gone because of him, and his mother has been alone for the past week without any knowledge of where her son went, and knowing that deep down, she chased away her husband since she couldn't handle him anymore.

Kageyama is willing to acknowledge his indirect actions that forced his father away, but he's not as stupid as Tsukishima thinks to defend his mother in this as well. His dad just couldn't handle her anymore.

_Then he probably can't handle me either, since I'm just like her._

This knowledge of his mother being all alone should spur him to skip ringing the bell, and rather just bust in and find her, even though she'd probably start raging at the sight of him.

But his arm feels heavy, weighed down by reluctance at his sides.

Yet the door still swings open with little resistance, the hinges screaming as the door slams to the side violently.  _But I didn't raise my arms._

"Tobio." 

His mother breathes, looking like absolute  _shit_ , and standing at the other side of the doorway. 

"You  _idiot,_ " and her voice cracks in emphasis.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so. 
> 
> Here's the thing.
> 
>  
> 
> Abuse victims tend to believe it's their fault, etc etc etc ya know.  
> That doesn't mean they don't try and believe otherwise due to logical reasons, it makes them feel good reasons, etc.
> 
> Kageyama feels that.
> 
> And you have to understand that Tsukishima is not wrong. It's abuse, simply that.  
> But in a way, you have to understand Kageyama's sympathy for his mother.
> 
>  
> 
> Whether or not his mom deserves to be hated on (because her emotions does not justify how she verbally and physically treats Kageyama no matter what) and to be legally charged with child abuse is now harder to deal with for Kageyama and Tsukishima (if he ever gets his fucking head out of his ass and listen to Kageyama tho.)


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> lol yall thought i died right
> 
>  
> 
> okay but actually though: if one of your fanfic authors died, you'd probably never know. you'd think they just lost interest in writing fanfic right? or that they're busy or etc. like. the idea that they died would've never crossed your mind, and eventually, you'll forget about the fic itself.
> 
>  
> 
> just putting that otu there:)

"Where did Kageyama-kun go?" Akiteru inquires curiously. "I thought you said he'd stay here for as long as possible." He then glowers sharply at Tsukishima, and honestly, Tsukishima is offended because honestly, he should be the one pulling all the fucking shots in their relationship. "You didn't scare him away, did you?"

Clicking his tongue, Tsukishima just rolls his eyes. "Of course not. He left on his own."

"And you just  _let him_?" Akiteru moans. "I was really enjoying Kageyama, because unlike you, he'd play volleyball with me outside and spend time with me." He wails theatrically. Tsukishima would roll his eyes again, but he doesn't think he can even strain them farther. "Besides, his....family...." 

Kageyama's family situation is implied in their family, despite the fact that no one has ever directly spoken about it. When his parents asked him about it, Tsukishima flat out rejected any conversation about it, since really, he wasn't paid enough to be some medium ground and being one isn't part of the default contract of being alive in general, and secondly, he isn't sure how Kageyama would feel about him gossiping about his family.

Shrugging harshly at that, Tsukishima walks around Akiteru and back into his room. 

"Kei....you seem to miss him a lot, huh?" Akiteru's stupid voice is somehow still heard from downstairs. 

"No." Tsukishma bites back snappishly. "I'm fine. It's him we should be worried about- that idiot." He scoffs loud enough so that his brother would be sure to hear it (even though he's pretty sure Akiteru would've just imagined it on default by this point), before digging for his headphones in the tangled mess underneath his bed covers. He should really shelve all the books he left scattered on his mattress. He tosses aside the  _Jurassic Park_ DVD knotted between his headphone's cord. He'll rewatch that tomorrow. 

As he jams on his headphones connected to his phone, he bitterly contemplates why it should matter if he cares about that idiot? They're friends. There's absolutely nothing strange about being concerned for someone he's acquainted with, even though he's slightly afraid of being taunted for doing such, but considering Kageyama's situation, he's pretty sure that it'd be actually lowkey cruel if he  _didn't_ care about Kageyama.

From the corner, Ichigo whines. 

"Why are you still in my room?"

Another whimper.

Tsukishima stares for a good moment, before patting his covers with a sigh. "I swear if you shed..." Because he has his secret stash of Pocky and potato chips here and he doesn't need oily fur to get near it. 

Ichigo barks before burrowing in between his legs splayed on his bed, and Tsukishima makes a face as he hears a crunch underneath Ichigo's heavy mass. 

God he hopes it's not his sport glasses. 

"You've been getting a lot clingier." Tsukishima murmurs, eyeing Ichigo warily. 

He acts as if it's not because Ichigo's having withdrawals from the affection constantly given from Kageyama. 

"I'm not petting you." Tsukishima snaps.

A whine in response. Tsukishima just turns up his music. 

* * *

 Akiteru stares at the closed door of his little brother's. 

 _Little_ brother.

He supposes everyone would've stared at Tsukki and assumed that he's grown too fast, both mentally and physically.

But he's still fifteen.

He supposes that Kageyama is his first taste of reality outside of every realm of possibility in his own personal life- he's experiencing something secondhand. Something that he himself would've never encountered in his the current era of his world.

Kei didn't grow too fast.

He didn't mature too fast.

Rather, he's his age: despicable, naughty, and likes to insult everyone. 

He's his age: innocent to the idea that something bad lives near them until they actually encounter it.

Walking hesitantly up to the closed door, Akiteru supposes that he really is worried. Because Kei is his younger brother.  _Would Kei even open the door up for me?_

And he doesn't know how to deal with this. Kei doesn't know how to deal with the bad thing that's residing his neighborhood of connections in his life. He doesn't know what to do with it. 

Kageyama does. He knows how to deal with it, at the very least, even if he doesn't deserve to. But Kei doesn't. And Akiteru himself, doesn't know either.

_I'm concerned._

He hears a pitiful whine coming from inside, followed by a disgruntled voice stating firmly: "I'm not petting you."

Huffing with a smirk, Akiteru skirts past the door. Tsukishima is growing little by little at the very least.

He would've never let Ichigo in just a week ago.

He used to never let anyone in, even Mom or Akiteru himself once he hit the age of eleven. 

And already, he's opening his door up, mentally and literally, in these past couple days, without bothering to lock it behind him anymore, or rejecting others from entering.

 _Kei will know how to deal with Kageyama._ Akiteru determines.  _But he's still my little brother._ And Akiteru supposes that if Kageyama becomes too close in Kei, to the point where if something happens it'll damage Kei equally as bad as Kageyama, he'll have to step in though. But he'll step in on Kageyama's behalf, because oddly enough, he supposes that in a way he has two little brothers now. 

 _I'm concerned_.

For his little brothers.

* * *

"Kageyama? Ahh, I loved him." Kuroo snickers. "He's such....an interesting character."

"You just like to make fun of him." Kenma fixes bluntly, and the rest of their teammates grunt in unison, but none of them are actually too invested in their conversation as they're all actually studying for once since Yaku is in charge, and Yaku's mom is downstairs making stir fry. So really, who has the right to not finish their homework and be fed?

"Oikawa rubbed off on me." Kuroo responds as if that justifies his awkward adoration for both Kageyama and being a meme. Nothing excuses being a meme- it's humiliating and disappointing, and Kenma would say this to their faces once again without the drip of shame as always, that he's frankly embarrassed to be associated with Kuroo everytime he dabs. "But anyways, what about him? I barely hear you talk about him anyways."

"Hm. Nothing. Hinata's just been sending me a lot of texts about him recently." Kenma answers flippantly. "But then again, he sent me five emails about him being excited over his new toothbrush, so really he could be exaggerating."

Peering over his shoulder easily due to their contrasting heights, Kuroo leans closer to the screen in Kenma's hands. Kenma swipes to his chat with Hinata, that over a span of days, were all cluttered with Hinata's unintelligible keyboard smashes, cat pictures that Hinata constantly compares to everyone on Nekoma, and concerns about Kageyama as well as that one screenshot of a Reddit meme posted on an Tumbler account and then reposted on another Instagram account with that account's watermark pasted over its stolen post. Taking the phone, Kuroo scrolls through it and Kenma just retrieves his PSP to play while waiting. 

Kenma accepts the ruffle on the head from his childhood friend as well. It's as if it's a way to repay him for allowing Kuroo to even look over his phone, much less take it out of his grasp. Kenma refuses to share his password with anyone except for Kuroo, and if there's one person that he'd allow even  _touch_ his phone screen without a barrage of hisses and toilets clogged with their shirts, it's probably Kuroo.

"Huh. A bandaged arm and bruised eye?" Kuroo mutters, his typically lilting tone weighted down into a stony one from the estimated severity of Kageyama's condition.

"Yeah. But Kageyama got mad when Hinata asked, as always." Kenma replies fluidly, as he retrieves his Pokemon Kuro from his game. "Also, honestly the bruised eye could've come from anywhere- just ask Lev anytime he makes fun of Yaku." He adds.

"Hm. True. After all....Yakkun is a-"

"Yakkun is a what?"

They both snap their necks up from where they're sitting on the couch, over to where Yaku is currently standing up straight with fists positioned menacingly on his hips. Kenma notes the wooden spatula with white knuckles gripping its handle. Yamamoto is next to Yaku, crying over what's presumably math. 

"G-God....take the wheel." Yamamoto chokes. 

"'Yakkun is' what?" Yaku replies with his typically steely timbre, not even glancing at Yamamoto who is now simultaneously cursing Jesus and begging for saving.

"My favorite." Kuroo's voice cracks like a humiliated prepubescent teenager caught watching porn.

"Anyways." Kenma clears his throat as the darkness and powerful sensation slowly disperses and seeps back into its tiny living vessel that can barely contain all its anger and bitterness. "But I guess what made everyone worried about Kageyama was how apparently, he's missed practice."

"And so do you."

"Skipping and missing are completely different things."

Kuroo gives him a look.

Kenma promptly ignores him.

"Kageyama doesn't seem like the type to miss practice," Kuroo muses, and Kenma just makes a noise in agreement. "I mean, Jesus, just look at that kid. His eyes are empty every time I stare into his soulless blues. All I can see in his blank expression that he gives me every time that he doesn't look constipated and ready to crap on someone are thousands of volleyballs chaotically bouncing around the inside of his head like molecules charged on kinetic energy within boiling water all rhythmically to Bohemian Rhapshody."

"Kuroo what the heck."

"It's true."

Kenma scrunches his chin upwards in defiance, but at the same time, doesn't bother to argue since the more he thinks about it, the more he cannot help but apply it to Kageyama's look of absolute nothingness every time Kenma sees him at training camp. Because there's nothing there.  _Nothing._ Every time he claps eyes with that kid, his eyes are glassy and listless, and the only reason for that could  _only_ be the thousands of tiny volleyballs bouncing so hard in beat behind his eyes because that's probably  _all_ he thinks about.

 _His eyes are as empty as his brain, but they're both filled with one thing: volleyball._ Kenma stiffens at that because this thought his going to haunt him in his nightmares.

"Ooh and he's been hanging out around Tsukishima? Ah, I love Tsukishima. He's always so salty. Angry. Bitter." Kuroo chirps.

"Sadist."

"Mm."

"Akaashi has been influencing you, I see." Kenma sighs, and Kuroo hums once more in agreement. "I didn't take Kageyama and Tsukishima as good friends. Tsukishima....the characterization I got from him was similar to you, but an actual sadist while you're a generally nice person, just disposable and absolutely useless."

Once more, Kuroo hums without hesitation, once again, in agreement. 

Kenma would be a lot more worried for Kuroo if he wasn't aware that Kuroo has caught onto this generation's trend of making self-deprecating jokes while shitting out memes every two minutes while being a meme at the same time. 

"I figured he would be irritated by Kageyama and his face."

"Tsukishima is irritated by everyone and their faces. When Bo and him first met, I actually thought, 'Jesus, that kid is going to set Bo's hair on fire and pump gasoline through his body.'"

"Did that not happen?"

"No. Tsukishima was very respectful of our space, but that's probably because he didn't want to touch us in case if we're contagious with our stupidity." 

"Understandable."

Their bantering fades as Kuroo returns Kenma's phone to him, and picks up his chemistry homework once more. Kenma just tosses his phone aside as he's currently in the middle of a battle.

That is until his phone vibrates. Reluctantly, he glances over at the screen. However the moment he fixates his eyes on the notification, he actually digests those words rather than automatically return to his battle: 

sunshine: kages was in the ohsptal at one point

sunshine: also yamgucci told me that hes been staying with tsukki for a while?//?? btu y wouldnt kageysma tell me???/ IM HIS BEST FREIND

 

Surprised at this turn of information, Kenma opens up his messages, his Pokemon game paused. 

kenma: why would kage stay w tsuki?

sunshine: IDK MAN LIKE IM UR FRIEND Y WOULDNT U TELL ME THAT U WERE STAYING WIHT THAT FRENCHFRY

kenma: it's probably a house situation. Maybe he needed a place to stay at for a while, and it probably was embarrassing.

sunshine: THEN STAY WITH ME  Y TSUKKI

 

Kenma pauses. Because for once, Hinata has introduced a rather rational point. Why would Kageyama remain at Tsukishima's house with their unstable relationship, when he could just ask Hinata who he's closer and on better terms with? And in general, why  _Tsukishima_ when they're not on relatively good terms? Unless if Tsukishima was planning to murder Kageyama in his house and dispose of him quietly, which clearly is no longer possible since everyone seems to know this (or he can assume so, since Hinata already knows so there's no way this can be considered a secret anymore). But he cannot think of another reason why Tsukishima would allow someone that he considers a cancerous tumor to infiltrate his evil headquarters.

Narrowing his eyes in scrutiny, Kenma cannot comprehend why Kageyama would turn to Tsukishima when his parents would probably have other family friends to stay with, or closer friends than Tsukishima, such as Ennoshita or Yamaguchi, who he believes is responsible and close enough to him.

kenma: maybe its just a sleepover  ur probably overthining this.

sunshine: Y WOULD HE SLEEPVOVER W TSUKIA

 

"Hm. He has a good point. Especially since Tsukishima's so hard to cooperate with, even fluoride would have issues bonding with him." Kuroo whistles from behind him, clearly given up on life, homework and probably his own sense of happiness like he does every other day once he gets bored. Kenma contorts his face into absolute disgust at the obvious chemistry joke. 

"Kageyama. He wears the number ten right? Makes sense, considering how he's so basic on the pH scale."

"That didn't even make sense."

"It totally does."

"Fate made a mistake, Tsukishima should be wearing number one, since he's so acidic." Kuroo contnues.

"Stop. The only basic thing here are your jokes, Kuro." Kenma scoffs. "If you're going to have a smart brain, then at least use it for meaningful insults or else you look as foolish as your hair." Kenma utters, and disregards the deflating whine beside him. "Shut up. I'm surprised something so bad is even natural- it looks like you purposefully straightened it with a panini press. Anyways. I think Hinata really is overreacting. Maybe Kageyama and Tsukishima just became friends and he never noticed."

"Kenma you're still on your chat with Hinata. He just sent you twenty-four messages. You're leaving him on read." 

Kenma peers down at the rapid-fire texts appearing across his screen.

 

sunshine: i KNO UR THER

sunshine: kENMAKL

sunshine: whAT IF KAGEYAM  IS DYING HE WAS DYING FROM  A FEVER THE OTHER DAY

sunshine: EKNMA YOURE READING THIS RN I CAN SEE UR READ RECIPETs

kenma: im surprised you can even read

sunshine: ecxuse u this is serious what if kageuama is sick?/???? hes gotten a rlly bad fever last time and tsujskki found ihm while giving him his hw.

kenma: there you have it. they became friends bc theyve interacted nicely before. hinata i rlly don't think it's anything srs. if its that bad, go check up on him today.

sunshine: last time i checked up on him, his mom thougth i was rlly some hooligan messing w her and didnt believe me when i said her son had friends. its undrestandable, but i rll ydont want his mom to think im a stalker.

kenma: if you don't take my advice, then shut up. Or else im blocking you again. 

sunshine: dfasdjf;dsajkfsdfafFINE ill GO RISK MY FREAKING LIFE FOR THIS kAGEYMASA BETTER APPRECIATE ME THAT STUPID IDIOT

kenma: im going.

sunshine: okay! :) good bye! wish me luck with kageyama and his equally scary mom! :))) :333

kenma: im not returning those cat faces. i know what you're trying to do

sunshine: :33 :33333333333333

 

Kenma hesitates, unable to straighten his bitch face anymore, and taps out without resistance:

kenma: :3 ily.

 

"Okay, okay, so when I do it it's cringey and weird," Kuroo scowls as he watches Kenma disgruntedly tap out another reluctant: ':3'. "But when Hinata does it it's considered universally adorable and a trend."

"If everything you did became a trend and loved by everyone, the entire world would be on fire, run by various anarchists, and learning chemistry for the sake of knowing how to create crystal meth."

"But if Hinata does it-"

"That's the thing." Kenma stares at Kuroo with a dead expression. "He wouldn't. I don't think he even as the academic ability to." 

"OKAY SO I HAVE STRANGE HOBBIES-"

"You help old ladies cross the street, keep cat treats in case if you come across strays and pets alike, and you volunteer at a shelter. But yet you still pour milk in after your cereal, thus proving that your politeness is all a facade, and your strange hobby of pouring milk in after automatically defaults you as a stranger who should be ostracized from the sane."

Kuroo opens his mouth to retort, but to their surprise, a voice that has way too much life to be Kuroo's intervenes into the conversation.

"Hm. I don't like milk. I use water and pour it in my cereal and wait for it to get soggy until I can eat it." Lev states happily.

They both stare at him.

"Yeah, Hey, What the Fuck." Kuroo says factually.

Yaku looks up from the corner from where he's attempting to get Yamamoto to study. "Tch. Another reason why he deserves to be whacked in the shin."

"But Yakkun? I thought you only whacked me in the shin because you're too short to reach anywhere else-"

Kenma feels his spine stiffen at the sudden darkness radiating from a certain midget in the corner. 

Lev didn't even get a chance to reminicise and figure out his mistake, as a death blow from a rubber sneaker sole decks him across the face.

* * *

Hinata decides to repeat Tanaka-senpai's words of encouragement throughout his head as he continues to stare at the ominous wooden door that seemingly towers over him in not just a physical manner, but also in an almost intimidating presence.  _"If you can't fuck it, fight it!"_ Is what Tanaka would always scream while whipping his shirt above his head like a helicopter's wings.

He thinks what makes it even more encouraging is that Sugawara always smacks Tanaka on the head whenever he's frothing at the mouth like that, but he himself once screamed it during a match while making cool poses with a really reluctant Tsukishima and a tired Kinoshita who looked even more murderous than Daichi typically is. 

 _Okay, if Noya-senpai was here, he wouldn't even_ knock _, he'd kill the door, kill Kageyama, then his mom, before fighting his dad and the tree outside simultaneously._ At that positive observation of his role model, Hinata raps his knuckles shakily against the door, before retracting his hand quickly.

Shuffling sounds from behind the door.

Then, causing him to recoil hard enough to create a double-chin, was the slam of the said door followed by a menacing face sticking out. 

"Oh. Hi. Kageyama-san." He wheezes, attempting to dislodge his face that he shoved far back into his neck. 

"Who are you?" She asks sharply, not hesitating to reach her point of interest. 

Hinata cannot help but begin gesturing with his hands, not out of excitement as he would usually do, but nervousness. Something about Kageyama's mom is always threatening, as if she could grind him into pulp using a stapler. Similar to Grand King's or Ushijima's aura that they seemingly ooze out of their pores even when they're not in matches or whenever Hinata runs into them outside of the bathroom, but with them, Hinata always feels this concoction of awe and inspiration that makes him want to challenge them simply to witness their power.

Kageyama-san's lacks that, and makes up for it in the other variable that Hinata feels with the others as well. Fear. 

It's just fear and a sense of humiliation that she practically sweats confidently out of her body. As if she's judging and rating him on however he responds.

At that, he forcefully jams his hands into his sweatpant's pockets as if she's going to call him out on their shakiness with a snarky tone, something that he expects from Tsukishima in complete honesty.

"U-uh I'm here to check on Kageyama!"

"Oh. Right. You're his stalker. I knew I recognized your hair. Well, I think I'm going to call the police-"

"I'm not his s-stalker!" He squawks, heat flushing his cheeks as he feels and hears his voice snap and separate as they ascend into different high pitches. "I-I'm just worried since he missed volleyball practice yesterday!"

"Sure. What was the time of the practice?" 

Hinata blanks out. 

"After....math?"

"I clearly stated  _time_ ," she responds coolly, holding up her phone, and the panic that's flooding his systems doesn't help him think about the time. He  _knows_ , he just can't think about anything under pressure. 

"I don't know! How would I know? It's just a bunch of numbers!" He replies worriedly, because he does  _not_ need to see the police again. 

"You know what else is a bunch of numbers?" She holds up her phone screen to him, which says: 9 1 1, with her thumb poised over the call button.

And then she flashes a smeared smile.

 _Oh my God, even her grin is like stupid, stupid idiotic Bakeyama,_ he has that sudden revelation as he sees his life flash through his eyes as she sneers at him.

"Wait, no, I am a part of his class! I have...uh....I have my school ID- I mean, not with me, but I swear I have it-"

"Mom?"

At that familiar voice that typically makes Hinata want to bicker with, fills him up with the joy faster than Tsukishima getting hurt would ever. 

Hinata cranes his neck around Kageyama-san's stiff figure, to see Kageyama in the hallway behind her, barefoot, his arm still wounded tightly with bandages even though Hinata's been informed by him that it'll heal quickly, and his face wiped clean of the bruise on his eye, only to reveal the eyebag matching his other eye's that had blended in with the bruise.

"Hinata dumbass. What the hell are you doing here?" He snaps. 

"Oh. So it appears you  _had_ made friends." Kageyama-san sniffs.

Hinata has a fleeting thought of worry on what these people considered to be friendship.

And as Hinata attempts to hold a conversation by channeling all his rage and questions to Kageyama through eye-contact that was quickly broken as Kageyama's eyes avert to his mother, Kageyama probably just said Hinata's death statement: "Hey. Idiot. Stay over tonight for dinner."

And who was Hinata to say no, when he wants to corner Kageyama and confront him about his weirder-than-usual behavior?

He wishes Daichi was around to make sure he doesn't get himself into trouble, but he isn't, and Hinata feels the coffin lid closing above him as he says with adopted politeness: "yeah, of course! Let me just call my mom to let her know where I am."

* * *

Honestly, Kageyama finds amusement the moment he asked that traumatizing question, since Hinata's extremely expressive face practically gave its own show. That gremlin went through possibly twenty-five emotions at once that all contorted his features, before settling on what he probably thought was calmness, but in reality, made him look constipated.

Hinata steps in with a plastered on smile, and Kageyama snickers quietly. Of course, Hinata being his closest friend and closest punching bag, was able to easily distinguish his voice from the rustling movements, and his head swivels over sharply with his grin clearly more strained as his eyes dilate into one that he usually sees on Asahi whenever someone leaps back and misinterprets his steps forward as an invitation to fight. 

However, a chilled voice cuts through his temporary sense of relief.

"Oh. Not even going to ask me for permission?" 

Kageyama glares at his mother, who has crossed her arms at the doorway.

"Well,  _mother_ , you're always asking me why I don't have any friends-"

And probably not used to his sudden response, she flinches, and Kageyama savors the satisfaction rewarded to him from his wit.

He used to never respond or reply. He found no need to. 

Of course, that was before his considerably eye-opening encounter with Tsukishima's rather harsh and straightforward perspective. He used to assume that his mother was urging him on in her own way to try and tell him to make friends.

He still can't tell with her actions, in complete honesty, even after Tsukishima's crash course on why he's an idiot. 

But he however can tell that he's enjoying his sudden attitude that he picked up from Tsukishima, that was only magnified the moment he came home. 

_The moment I came home._

The moment he came home, she slapped him.

Hard.

He seriously wasn't expecting it, despite the constant stiff thwacks given to him over the course of the years.

Perhaps it's because it was outside of the house, in daylight, where neighbors could see.

Or maybe because he expected something else. He can't think of what. Perhaps he was wishing for a hug? At this realization, Kageyama feels something unpleasant tickle its way up his arm, crawling and cramping near his neck, breathing cold air across his nape. The only placed he'd ever grow into that expectation would be from the Tsukishima's household, where Tsukishima-san would greet him with a hug, and even her husband would envelope him in an embrace. He's grown fond to them, even though they were unusual.

And maybe he was unconsciously placing his bets on one from his mom too, even though what she's done was so obviously expected, he feels ashamed of even thinking of the alternate option. 

But that wasn't what he was focusing on at that time.

He focused on the impact of the smack.

 _It stung._ It had  _hurt_. His eyes watered from the force behind it. He doesn't cry. Crying is a sign of vulnerability that makes his mom quickly look away, almost ashamedly, whenever she sees him doing so. Kageyama cringes as he plays through that recollection from two days ago.

But the blow itself had siphoned tears out of his eyes. He's not sure what propelled his mother to have more energy, to exert more power into that one hit unlike all her other ones, but he staggered backwards the moment her calloused palm clout him across his cheek, imprinting a shadow of red minutes after it happened.

And when he looked up, he couldn't tell at first since he wasn't sure if it was because of the glossy exterior blurring his vision, but after a couple blinks he noticed that there was a mirroring sheen also clouding her eyes.

And he didn't know what to do with that information.

He just hated that there was another resemblance.

That she was breathing as heavily as him, that her breaths were also raspy and loud, that they were both crying, even though  _he_ got hurt.

And that made him angrier. 

He's the one who should be crying, not her. (He clenches his fist, the anger returning into him even though that was days ago.)

He's the one who came back, he should be the one crying for himself, not her.

But he couldn't relenquish the hold on his emotions as his resolve hardens at the sight of his mother crying, even though he's seen her crying more than once. Heard her crying more than once.

So instead of screaming, lashing out or responding to her hit, he just waited for another move from her.

 _If she hits me again, I'm leaving._ That thought simultameously shames and relieves him. He almost finds himself wishing for that route.  _But if she doesn't, I'm staying._

She hadn't hit him again.

She hasn't hit him in a while actually.

Rather, she pretended as if he doesn't exist within the past two days he remained in the household. Which he supposes is typical behavior from her, and maybe he's grown soft from being called forth by any of the Tsukishimas for a simple conversation, help in the kitchen, or to play volleyball outside.

In fact, he guesses that this would count as their first conversation, even though there's no sense of sentiment behind it.

It shouldn't hurt that much.

Bitterly, he wants to blame it on Tsukishima. It wouldn't hurt as much if he wasn't aware that he could've gotten better than this stalemate relationship. That other people don't have this low-level amount of emotions. That he could've gotten better.  _But do I deserve better? She's getting the same amount as I am after all._

"Uh...."

Blinking and glad that he's able to have any excuse to break eye contact in this intense staring contest with his mom, he glances back down at Hinata, who's awkwardly standing there. "Let's go up to my room." he responds shortly. 

He doesn't know why he invited Hinata in. Maybe it's because he's testing his mom, even though he knows it'll end badly once he leaves.

Maybe it's because he's hoping to gain any attention from his mom.

Maybe it's because he's using Hinata as a way to barricade himself against his mom, since he's beginning to understand that his mom will never reveal their family tension to an outsider. 

Maybe he's being a coward by doing that, avoiding confrontation with his mom, even though he came back for that purpose.

"Bakeyama, you good there? We're all kinda worried since you missed practice-" Hinata mutters as he bounds up their stairs, with Kageyama sluggishly trailing behind him.

"I don't really know what to do with visitors in the house." Kageyama meant to acknowledge Hinata's question, but for some reason, rather than a typical 'I'm fine', he's desperately cutting him off, as if he doesn't want to lie, but at the same time, doesn't want to reveal anything.  _I should've just lied._  "But we can watch volleyball videos?"

"You're boring. What do you do typically at home?" And thank Jesus that Hinata has actually decided not to pursue the dropped conversation.

But he also brought up another sweating bullet point. Because other than avoiding his mom by locking himself in his room, going outside to practice setting against the side of the house, and actually watching volleyball videos, he has no idea. "Um. Wanna play volleyball outside?"

Hinata stares.

"You can play volleyball outside, but not go to volleyball practice? I thought it was because of your arm, but if you can play volleyball then that means you're missing practice for another reason?" Hinata narrows his eyes, and Kageyama inwardly curses, because he was betting on Hinata's obliviousness to  _not_ notice anything obvious. Dammit. This is what he gets for overestimating his friends' abilities. "And another thing, why are you so close to Tsukishima? Yamaguchi told me you were hanging out a lot, and even  _staying_ at his house?"

"Homework. Studying." he retorts weakly, and he's honestly surprised he was even able to come up with something natural so quickly.

"We already ask him for extra help during lunch! How come you didn't invite me to study with you?" Hinata whines.

"Uh."

"Uh-yeah?" He blubbers mockingly.

"I'm. Visiting them because of their dog?"

"What? I thought you hated animals?"

Kageyama can't help but respond in a whiney tone: "I dO nOt!" He clears his throat. "They just happen to hate me." He mutters.

"Kageyama, I know you're lying! You're so bad at everything!"

"Shut up dumbass!"

_"Tell me!"_

"It's none of your damn business!"

Hinata sticks out his tongue, blowing it even. "Wi-imp!"

"Take off the 'w' and it becomes what you are!"

Hinata literally stops functioning for a good second, before shrieking.

"TELL ME-"

"No!"

Then, Hinata stops, landing on his feet after bouncing from all the damn energy like a ten-year-old jacked up on pixie sticks, his eyes oddly blank.

Then they blow up wide like someone just fed him a substance of white that can be identified as sugar or cocaine, but still have these same results. 

 _"Holy crap._ "

Kageyama isn't sure if he's currently scared as the tiny dumbass begins to vibrate on his feet, or relieved since it seems as if he's gotten over it.

"THAT'S WHY YAMAGUCHI WAS LAUGHING! You two are  _dating_!"

And Kageyama has a sudden fleeting moment where his soul is ripped out of him, and a flicker of weakness in his resolve as he contemplates which is worse: Hinata thinking this, or knowing the truth.

 


	10. afsdghjklh

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> i'm alive
> 
> with a shitty chapter
> 
> i'm sorry

"What are you doing?" Hinata warily eyes Kageyama, who spent five minutes cramming rolled shirts in the crevices around the door to 'block out light so that mom doesn't know we're awake', and even more concerningly, unlatched and opened his window. When Hinata complained about the cold, Kageyama stared at him with no expression and said: "in case if there aren't any other options of escape."

So yeah, Hinata is slightly concerned about his own well-being by this point.

"Okay but why though." 

"Dumbass. My mom is angry for one, and secondly, I really don't need to deal with her pity party too if she decides to randomly burst in here without knocking and try and apologize and guilt trip me into accepting it because you're here." 

Hinata frowns, his concern drastically rocketing at the events that unfolded before he arrived- for some peculiar reason, he's starting to think the topic transpired might not have been the usual: "oh my God you bootleg gremlin, you deadass didn't do the dishes again" argument. 

"Wait no you gotta use a string!" HInata gripes, bounding forward at the sight of Kageyama starting to shift the desk in front of his door.

"Why do you know this?" Kageyama stares, his voice hollow as Hinata easily wounds a string across the table leg and over to the bedframe's, so that if the door ever opens because of Kageyama's odd fear of their mom staring at them at night or something, it'll snap and tell them.

Hinata squints. "Have you never seen  _Home Alone?_ " 

Kageyama's expression remains insouciant, and  _wow_.

And here, Hinata thought that they were  _friends_ , he even came here on his own violation-

"Have you never had a childhood?" Hinata wheezes, his eyes dilating at  _nothing_ flickering behind Kageyama's empty blue orbs. Of course, he usually looks like there's nothing in his brain other than a million volleyballs synchronized and bouncing rythmically to the tune of 'go go Daketo', but still. "What? It's this American movie where this kid is home alone and two robbers try to break in-"

"What-" Kageyama side eyes. "What the heck no wonder you're so messed up. What sort ofshows did you watch as a kid?"

"What shows did  _you_ watch?" Hinata mutters, realizing that this sleepover is never gonna work, he has to break off this friendship, and everything is  _wrong_.

"I didn't watch any." 

"What did you do as a kid- other than volleyball. I think that's quite obvious between us," Hinata replies, as he unzips his volleyball bag that he's using to hold his toiletries and change of clothes. He retrieves a plastic bag with his toothbrush, and prepares to leave the room and head to the hallway bathroom. Then he notes the stillness in sound and motion of Kageyama Tobio. 

Kageyama always looks like he's constipated, but Hinata, despite how he may be lacking a bit in academic talent, is conscious of his ability to genuinely read others. 

He strokes the door knob. 

Kageyama's eyes gloss over glassily. 

He retracts his hand. 

Kageyama's eyes revert back to its normal emptiness.

"Uh. Kageyama. What's up? You and your mom got into a fight right? Is it really that bad that we're just. Gonna stay in this room forever. You. You probably should've mentioned this before because I know I gotta pee." Hinata informs, internally screaming. Everything's always wrong whenever a bathroom is involved- usually because he runs into some volleyball opponent in the same form as one does in a Pokemon battle. He sighs at Kageyama's listless reply. He hates it whenever he and his mom actually argue, whether or not the topic is stupid. It sucks. And he supposes in the Kageyama household, where both parties probably share the same qualities of stubbornness and social incompetence, arguments would get out of hand. "Do you wanna talk about it?" He murmurs, tugging at the rumpled ends of one of Kageyama's pillows with a sardine design on it. 

It's so ugly.

"She's mad at me." Kageyama answers slowly, his voice monotone as usual with its typical bite, but Hinata's known him well enough to be aware that the edge is no real threat and just his usual style. 

"Why?" HInata questions. "Also, help me with my homework-"

"What? Ask Tsukki or something." 

Hinata pauses, flinching violently, and Kageyama's eyes dilate, clearly startled by his reaction. "What?" Kageyama scoffs. "I'm smarter than you, doesn't mean I understand anything." 

"No, not that! You called Tsukishima, 'Tsukki'," Hinata gapes. "Why do you get to call him that?" He pouts, shrieking undignantly. Tsukishima, the resident French Fry himself would actually kill him if he heard him use his jealously defended nickname. 

Kageyama blinks blankly for a moment, before, to Hinata's fear, nearly drops the toothbrush he also grabbed. His countenance resembles one of a serial killer and Hinata eyes the window in his room slowly. 

It appears that the open window may be a wise foresight after all.

_How easy would it be to just jump out there right now._

"It was an accident." Kageyama gasps intensely. 

"Sure. That you called Tsukishima our local, volleyball team mascot something that he would cut off our tongues for, by accident. Stop that look- we all know he's basically the Karasuno mascot. I mean, everyone else knows him  _for_ his bad attitude, it's like, his most prominent character trait, even more obvious than his height."

"I can't believe you even knew the word 'prominent'."

Hinata sniffs indignantly. He learned that word from Yachi the other day. "You really are stupid, you know. For thinking you can fool me into thinking you' and HInata aren't together." Hinata scorns.

"I'm not into guys." Kageyama grumbles, and Hinata pauses, glancing at Kageyama's defensive posture, and crinkled countenance that emphasized his feral scowl. _He's ashamed_. Hinata knows that especially within his country, homosexuality is considered unnatural and mentally wrong, or sinful. And of course, Kageyama, who while Hinata doesn't perceive as necessarily homophobic, probably finds that topic directed onto him sensitive or perhaps insulting even due to the Asian culture's stigma.

Hinata on the other hand, while he's aware that his family is also touchy on this subject that should be judged on moral (but now more political), happened to have YouTube, RuPaul's Drag Race, and a gay nephew to project a more humane and open perspective onto him. He shouldn't be surprised that even someone as unbiased and oblivious as Kageyama would be affected by ignominy on a controversial topic.

"Are you sure?" Hinata treads lightly.

"I'm not. That's weird," Kageyama spits out quickly.

Hinata attempts to sound less dramatic or defensive in his retaliation: "in what way is it weird? There's nothing wrong with being gay or anything. It's just like loving a girl, but this time a guy. It's not like you can control how your emotions act, even if you don't act on them." 

Kageyama remains silent, but Hinata can see the clear confusion reflecting off his expression, marinated in shame. Hinata hopes the shame isn't any internalized one, but moreso shame in his quick acceptance of stigma.

"Idiot." Hinata mutters habitually, hoping to lighten the mood.

He tested his luck.

Maybe he's the real idiot here.

Kageyama steps forward and Hinata instinctively shrieks, leaping up on the bed as his friend dives for him. 

Wow is that window is looking quite inviting at the moment. 

Hinata contemplates how many of his bones would shatter on impact when he jumps out a second-floor window. 

"If you tell  _anyone_ \- especially Tsukishima, I will actually murder you-" So they're completely ignoring that really uncomfortable homosexual talk and retreating back to a safer, more comically relieving topic. 

Coward, Hinata thinks teasingly in his mind. 

"Not my fault you deadass just let the nickname slip-"

Hinata winces, his teeth clamping sharply and so swift that he nearly bite his tongue. He's starting to swear a lot more, meaning that Kageyama is truly being a bad influence on him. He reminds himself to purify himself of Kageyama's sinful tongue before returning home to Natsu. 

"Hey. Full offense, but you're a dumbass." Kageyama chides, but at the very least he's not attempting to throttle him so Hinata cautiously folds his legs back onto the bed. 

 _It's a trap_.

Hinata shrieks as a pillow batters him on the side. 

And defensively, he grabs the ugly Sardine-printed pillow and begins whacking Kageyama with it, screaming with each blow totally because he was engaging in some warrior cry, and not because he was screaming uncontrollably out of hysterical panic. 

However, two seconds into smacking Kageyama back because that idiot deserves to be physically smacked with some fish' face- 

Someone heavily knocks on the door, startling Hinata into a temporary fearful surrender as Kageyama himself also nearly falls off the bed in shock. 

"Please keep it down!" A feminine voice, muffled by the wooden door shouts from outside. "You can be loud, but please be quieter!"

At the sound of Kageyama-san's voice, Hinata rebounds back onto his previous sentiment about family arguments. "Your mom is probably touchy because she was mad earlier." He attempts to reassure his friend, hoping to smooth out the creases lining Kageyama's tight expression. "Why were you guys arguing again?" He attempts once more. No, Hinata's not being nosy. He's just. Obsessively curious about what his best friend happens to be like outside of school. He does happen to lounge with Kageyama throughout the school day since after finally cooperating in club, they've just naturally started talking to each other during school as well. (Due to their questionable grades and lower classes, they do happen to share similar classes and same lunch periods in consequence). However, Hinata barely knows what Kageyama was like before, other than the obvious King of the Court and thing. He always wonders what his home life was like with his previous attitude and what his experiences were because of it too.

And no, he's not curious about it because he happens to love gossip- at least that's not the main reason for his interest. He does want to get to know his best friend better, since in complete honesty, while he loves his previous friends and his old club that he does often see and still talk and hang out with, he's never had a  _best_ friend before. He had a close group of friends, yes, but he's never had such an attachment to an individual person other than his little sister. 

But it's different.

Because instead of a happy toddling child with an interest in breaking crayons and trying to flush down Barbie heads, this person of interest is cranky like one of those old swearing grandfathers chasing away delinquents off of their fields in all those American cartoons (even though Kageyama's the youngest) whose sole interest is volleyball and trying to figure out how to consecutively inhale eight meat buns without choking. 

"I ran away."

Hinata blinks, squinting. He ran away too. He was mad at his mother for not letting him go outside on his own, so after sobbing, stuffing his Legos, favorite pair of rainbow socks and two peanut butter cookies into a suitcase, he ran away for a total of five minutes before being forced to return home because he couldn't just ride away with a suitcase attached onto his bicycle, and because his dad cooked dinner and Hinata invited himself in because of his food addiction. 

He was six. 

Kageyama is sixteen. 

A tad bit old to be going through his drama queen phase unless if Oikawa unironically rub off on him. 

"Uh. Why?" Hinata inquires. 

"Oh. I got mad. And so I ran away. And I think my dad left because of that too?"

Hinata involuntarily shudders, recalling the first time he met Kageyama's dad, who just stared at him with resolute pain in his eyes as he refused to break eye contact with Hinata (who was too unnerved to do it himself since he had a feeling he might end up dead in a ditch if he did) and without looking away, grabbed the entire coffee mug from the coffee machine, and drank scalding caffeine, completely black, down in two seconds straight out of the pitcher. 

It was traumatizing. 

"Oh." Hinata responds. He doesn't know how to reply to that, but as he analyzes Kageyama's steeled expression that conveys absolutely no sorrow, Hinata knows better. Kageyama simply doesn't know how he's supposed to feel about it, and is scared that giving away any "wrong" emotion would have repercussions. He supposes it's the side effect of being socially incompetent and sorely lacking in companionship and social experience. "I would be crying if my dad left." He says softly, and Kageyama swallows audibly. A dry swallow, and Hinata can only imagine the stickiness of his throat from its drought of nervousness. "When is he coming back?" He asks. Hinata's dad never left the house because of an argument, rather he just locked himself in his room and refuses to come out otherwise. However, seeing as Kageyama's dad always seemed seconds away from either stabbing someone, his knee, or a nearby chair, he supposes that it really isn't  _that_ strange that his father did something so dramatic. 

"Um, I don't think he's coming back."

The warmth of tears and empathetic sadness for Kageyama that was burning through Hinata's throat stills, as they frost over, glaciers melting through his veins. He shivers once more.

"What?"

"I don't think he's coming back. He took the money that mom saved and hadn't put in the bank yet because she never has time. It was....a lot of money. I think he cut off his bank account's ties with hers too." He explains hoarsely, and Hinata's mind, frozen at the prospect of the severity of this situation, suddenly reels, whiplashing into a flurry of thoughts and stupid words that he hopes could possibly comfort Kageyama. "Um. He took a lot of his clothes, his stuff, and some pictures too." 

And Hinata knows the last variable he mentioned basically confirms the father's absolute leave. 

"Oh. Kageyama-" Hinata starts, and Kageyama just shrugs roughly, now his knees drawn up against his chest, his head buried in the hollow between them. His bangs, straggly and loose over his knees shift with each harsh jerk his head in a motion that makes Hinata suspect he's attempting to rub away tears. "It's really not your fault he left. He wouldn't just leave because of something so simple." Though he wants to convince Kageyama that it really isn't his fault that his father left, he's too scared of the risk of bringing up how it was obvious that Kageyama's father was already growing faint in the household since the beginning. It wasn't really subtle, how he looked like he wanted to be anywhere but there all the time. 

Hinata has a sudden flashback to that one time he stayed over for dinner at the Kageyama household, and watched as Kageyama-san drop a piece of broccoli on his foot, stare at it blankly, and then saying: "I'm so sick of being alive." His wife then apologized on his behalf to Hinata for his "unsightly words" before calmly grabbing the nearby dishrag and slapping it at her husband, who remained unaffected as he continued chewing his rice with a wet towel sticking to his face from moisture.

"I think." Hinata finally settles with what to say. "I think your father left because of stress and maybe it is because of family, but I don't think it's specifically you. I think he was just unhappy, and that's not your fault and it's not your place to appease or make him happy if it makes you worried or unhappy yourself too. You don't owe him everything you can't offer, and it's not his fault for being unhappy-" probably "and it's not yours either." Hinata honestly doesn't know. He personally feels as if he owes his parents everything, they raised and loved and taught him and always seeked the best for his interests no matter how foolish they may be at times. 

However, he also knows it'd be naive to assume every family is as perfect as his own in his eyes. He honestly isn't sure. Truly no parent would hate their own kid, so he really doesn't think it's Kageyama's fault in any form, or that he's disatisfactory. 

Actually, this all seems surreal.

None of this seems true. 

Just a portion cutout of some Korean drama he always sees his mom watching, where someone loses their memory after getting together with a loved one or something like that, and spliced into Kageyama's life. As if after this scene, everything will smooth out and be fine. 

"My mom gets really angry at times. And I get angry because she always ends up mad at me, but at the same time, I feel really bad for her."

"She sounds....unfit for parenting." HInata says testily, unsure if Kageyama would get wildly defensive. He doesn't know how to think about this. Yeah, he's well aware that Kageyama's mom is a bit more on the brutal, tough-love side, and isn't hesitant when it comes to threats (he's seen her slam a butcher knife straight onto the cutting board one time while coming over for a study session. Kageyama-san said that he refused to help out around the house, and when Kageyama gave him his signature: "shut up or God kill me before I kill you" expression, she literally took that as a challenge or some crap and glared back with intensity times hell . So yeah, clearly there were marriage issues way before there's a child relationship issue). 

He doesn't like to offend parents though. 

Raised in a world where society and his friends respect the elders and simply labels distrust in their parents' abilities to raise them as crude and arrogant, he's unsure on how to perceive Kageyama's mom. Because in complete honesty, she doesn't seem  _that_ bad. She buys bread for them when she knows he's coming over. And yeah she's scary, nearly made him cry that one time, and makes him feel as if everytime he's over he's being watched and never safe, but really: she's a sweetheart.

He wonders if maybe Kageyama's....denseness contributes to his inability to understand that though his mom dishes out hot servings of tough love, she really just genuinely wants the best for him?

"She drinks a lot now, too."

Hinata honestly wasn't sure what he was expecting in this household, because while everything seemed unreal and makes him feel as if he's on another, desolate reality with the sensation one gets when a new, nonexistent sense of time enters (good examples are very late at airports, or midnight in supermarkets with few people milling about, darkened and empty schools and hospitals late at night, and just. Strange, eerily peaceful places that have transcended into a new realm and pocket of time), he still feels as if everything fits in. After all, angry comments? Bitter arguments? Stale misunderstandings? Relationship problems? They all make sense in this household. 

He wasn't expecting alcohol to be any factor of this toxic combination. 

"What?"

"Yeah. She's been starting to drink a lot. And it makes her anger just flare up. Or her sadness. Or basically every emotion she has other than happiness." He states the last part with obvious acidity. Hinata's heart beat stutters stagnant for a second, before he hears the pulses throb throatily through his ears. "I don't know. She's just kind of a wreck right now and I don't really know what to do with her drinking issue since it's getting worse, and I think... I think that's the reason why dad left." He ends meekly.

Upside: Kageyama doesn't fully blame himself. 

Downside: if he didn't think it was his fault in the first place, that means someone else suggested it to him. And Hinata nearly has an aneurysm (then again, when does he not) as he has an obvious idea of who it was. 

"My mom blames it on me, because I think she's really mad at herself. But she can't stop, and I'm really worried because it's gotten worse over the past couple months and she stopped going to work and everything's just kinda," Kageyama, who while has no filter, also barely has any words being sieved through it. Hinata knows that Kageyama typically has a harder time describing his emotions and expounding his thoughts. He just watches sympathetically, his own knee bouncing without conscious thought put into it, as Kageyama thrusts his hands to try and convey his frustration through something other than his broken sentences and crescendoing voice. 

"I honestly can't handle it anymore and I don't want to blame it on her. I don't want to blame everything on her because honestly, I haven't been the best child," Hinata furrows his eyebrows, opening his mouth to quickly counter that because being a good child doesn't matter in his opinion, as long as they're good company but Kageyama intervenes, stunting whatever horsecrap he was going to spout. "Shut up, dumbass. Don't fight me on this. I've done some pretty awful things to her, and dad has been awful to her too, and because of that she's kinda of dealing with all this stress I guess. I don't know. And I feel bad for always feeling angry at her when she's going through her own thing." He adds stiffly.

Hinata softens. 

"You should talk about it more if it helps. Does it make you feel better?" A harsh jerk of his shoulders. "Well. Maybe it's time for a change. Because clearly things are spiraling right now so might as well just. Toss it all in. Talk about it. It might make you organize your thoughts more." He advises gently. 

Hinata wonders how he never noticed Kageyama's obvious plight in his distressed family.

"Have you told anyone else?" Hinata can already guess the answer. 

A dry snort cracks from Kageyama's obscured visage. "No. But I think Tsukishima's figuring it out. And same with Suga-san. I don't know. I hate him."

"Suga-san?"

"No. Tsukishima."

"Oh. Don't worry, I hate him too." Hinata adds lightly despite the fact that the two of them sit and eat with Tsukishima and the other first years every day despite their supposed rivalry. 

"No,  _like_ ," Kageyama groans into his knees. "This never bothered me okay." he chokes out. "This, entire, mess. Just. Never bothered or concerned me. It was life, you know," and Hinata stares hopelessly because he wants to offer comfort to reassure Kageyama that he's still there, even though he knows it's stupid to offer hollow words of comfort without any real advice, because Kageyama hates that since that's basically Noya-san's words of encouragement and it bothers him endlessly. "Like. I stayed a while over at Tsukishima's house, and his parents never acted like this. And yours don't either. And I hate myself for having more fun and showing more love to your parents over mine, who probably think I hate them." He spits acerbically. "But now that I realize that most of my friends don't have families like mine, it makes me really mad. That everything ended up like this and my parents are so unhappy and that I could have had something happier, that they could have had something happier you know." He snaps, his tone sharp and hard as usual, but splintering with harsh wheezes that are obviously there as damage control to prevent him from completely breaking. 

"I hate Tsukishima." He continues, as Hinata says nothing, floundering in silence on how to reply. 

Hinata would like to think he offers enthusiastic advice. 

But it seems insulting, offensive of him to even have an opinion in something that while he's doubting silently in his head (because Hinata just can't wrap his mind around a dysfunctional family no matter how horrible it is of him), is still hurting his friend whose emotions are utterly valid even though the situation is sketchy to him. 

"I hate Tsukishima because he told me straight up that my family is bad." 

Hinata has a sudden urge to say that he agrees. That he thinks it's bad if he sounds so truly upset over it. 

And Hinata himself, also feels a pit of hurt. He's easily emotional, and can be quickly influenced by others' emotions to suddenly sympathize intensely with, and his eyes are currently scorching and his vision is already blurry with a sheen of tears.

Oh my God. 

He's going to actually cry in Kageyama's house, hugging a sardine pillow, wearing matching Disney pajamas with Kageyama that he bought on a whim one day at the mall with Yachi as a joke before feeling motivated to wear it all the time after realizing that Kageyama unironically enjoyed and appreciated them.

"Your family....isn't....the best for you if they're making you feel this way. Maybe your parents aren't bad people, but they seem like bad parents." Hinata says slowly, unsure how Kageyama will interpret his words. "And there's nothing wrong with having fun with other families if your own doesn't provide a reason for you to feel that way." He adds.

Kageyama doesn't raise his face from his knees.

Hinata has a fleeting thought about how sore his neck must be.

"I really, really hate Tsukishima. I know he doesn't mean it this way, but when he talks to me, it makes me feel as if he's telling me my family won't ever be normal and that we will feel this way together forever. I hate it."

Hinata is barely at loss for words. If anything, half of his words are strung into some long rambling sentence full of sound effects that make people question if he's even real from time to time and not the personification of Tumblr or something. 

But right now he screwed his mouth shut, out of fear he'll say something stupid that'll worsen whatever atmosphere is clouding them. He's glad for this mood however, since it symbolizes Kageyama opening up. 

"Hinata. I sort of hate everything right now."

"I think....you have a right to feel that way."

"I really don't."

"What a lie." Hinata pouts. "Kageyama, I don't really know what's going on, and I don't know how you entirely feel or what your parents feel, but that doesn't excuse whatever's making you feel horrible just because they happen to feel that way too. It's sad that they feel bad, but it doesn't mean that they have the right to hurt others. That's unfair and mean, idiot." He shuffles closer, the bed creaking underneath his movement. 

Kageyama doesn't respond for a long time and Hinata isn't sure if he's supposed to continue, so he hums to signal that he's still there, but doesn't continue speaking since he honestly doesn't know what to say. Should he mention how he's currently feeling the stew of emotions boil within him, heat burning up the pot, fueled by Kageyama's story? That he's currently facing emotion conflict and insensitivity since he doesn't know what to do?

That's selfish.

That's cruel.

And that's horrible of him. 

"I don't want to talk about this anymore." Kageyama finally responds, his voice still blurry underneath the muffler of arms wrapped tightly around his knees, acting as a fabricated barrier against all of Hinata's questions.

Hinata's heart flunks at the fact that he made Kageyama uncomfortable, especially on a subject that is clearly very important and needs to be discussed about, he muses pushing a bit farther. But knowing how horrible that would make both of them feel, and how immoral it'd be, Hinata decides against it. 

"Yeah. Sure. I brought some manga I stole from Natsu that I heard were really funny. Wanna look through them?" Hinata offers, feeling oddly hazy, surprisingly tame and calm throughout this entire ordeal. 

A grunt. 

Smiling wanly, Hinata reaches for his bag. "Here, I heard this one was good," he chirrups, his currently, oddly distant demeanor melting from his usual, sunny one.

* * *

Kageyama feels an odd combination of fear, confusion, relief, glee, prominent anger, and disappointment after talking to Hinata.

He's disappointed by Hinata's suddenly cloudy responses. As if he's not really there next to Kageyama, as if he's not really grounded or interested. He seemed strangely un-Hinata like, suddenly tactical, wary, and cautious with his words, and that pisses Kageyama off. 

But, after talking to this strange version of Hinata, an uncommon sensation flicks on his common sense that reigns his emotions back under control, as well as pats him on the head with a sense of comfort that someone knows, and someone's listening even though they don't sound like it.

Craning his neck out of its hunched position and after making sure he's not going to start silently crying again, he looks up, his vision sore from the sudden light of the room he previously blocked out by his arms, and they clap with Hinata's large brown ones and uncertain smile. 

He hates that flicker of his grin, the obvious faltering of his words out of caution and fear. 

As if he's no longer Kageyama, someone he can be free and honest with, but rather afraid of due to a new perspective on his fragility. 

Kageyama will fight him. 

He's going to fight him in the back of 7/11 if he continues staring at him that way. 

But as Kageyama takes the extended manga in Hinata's hand, he notes the crinkle of his friend's eyes, his always expressive face revealing relief, happiness and concern.

And Kageyama knows that this Faint Version of Hinata's Typically Eccentric Personality that reminds him of a ten-year old jacked up on pixie sticks cares just as much as the Sunshine on Steroids version of himself. 

* * *

Kageyama-san steps away from her son's door, her body sticky from sweat despite her consistent shivering. 

She peels herself away from the barrier between her and Tobio, as she returns back to her own chambers.


End file.
